Tag Archives: work

Birthdays

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning anyway.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday, And would probably have a present for me.

She didn’t even say Good Morning, Let alone any Happy Birthday. I thought, Well, that’s wives for you. Maybe the children will remember.

The children came in to breakfast and didn’t say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, Good morning boss, Happy Birthday!
So I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon.

Then Janet knocked on my door and said, You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside and it’s your birthday,
let’s go to lunch, just you and me. I said, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go.

We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go; We went out into the country to a little private place.
We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, You know, it’s such a beautiful day. We don’t need to go back to the office, do we??

I said, No, I guess not. She said, Let’s go to my apartment. After arriving at her apartment she said, Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.

Sure, I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, In about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, Followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends.

All were singing Happy Birthday And there on the couch I sat… Naked.

Neck Exercise

A doctor advises his patients to exercise their neck by just reading this message.

In the end, all patients go home happily without asking the doctor for any medications. ‘It is very effective,’ said the doctor.

‘All my patients never come back to me again.’

Neck Execrcise

Boss Kidnapped …

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around.
Some are in loud discussions during office time…..

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and inquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, “What’s going on?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss” They’re asking for $10 Million ransom, otherwise they’re going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We’re going from desk to desk,  taking collection.”

One Trainee asks, “How much   is everyone   giving  on an average?

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“About 1 litre.”

Can I have the day off tomorrow?

Employee: Boss, can I have the day off tomorrow?

Boss: So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year available for work.

There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.

With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work.

We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be damned if you are going to take that day off!

How about a Red Corvette for a Entry Level Job

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”

The applicant said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years – say, a red Corvette?”

The applicant sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”