Tag Archives: women

50 Years Later

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. “Then you use to bite my neck.

“Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going ?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

A Message from wife!

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me. I was coming home from shopping, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

Iam really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

P.S. Your girlfriend called.
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How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Hunting Flies” He responded.

“Oh. Killing any?” She asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?”

He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”

Men’s rules (Are we such pigs?)

Please note.. these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
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1. Men are NOT mind readers.
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1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
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1. Crying is blackmail.
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1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
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1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
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1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
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1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
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1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
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1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria ‘s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
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1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
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1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
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1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
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1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
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1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
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1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
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1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
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[v I s I-I u —KIMI___REDDEVILS—]

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
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1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .
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1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
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1. You have enough clothes.
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1. You have too many shoes.
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1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
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1. Thank you for reading this.

Men are better friends

Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend’s apartment overnight.

The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.

Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend’s apartment overnight.

So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!

Conclusion : Men are better friends

6weeks, 6months, 6years. . .


Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn’t love U, then why the hell did I propose?

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Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I’m home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

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Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here’s the money. Buy yourself something.

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Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

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Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

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Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don’t you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don’t do it again.
6 years : What’s not to understand about what I just said??

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New Dress:

6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

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Planning for Vacations:

6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What’s so bad about going to India on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What’s so bad about staying home???

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TV:

6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I’m going to watch ESPN, if you’re not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself

Men Vs Women

Difference between men and women

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

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3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

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4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

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5. There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman- before and after marriage.

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6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

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7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

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