Tag Archives: office

Asking for a pay rise

One day an employee emails his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately.

I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon

Your$ $incerely
Norman $oh
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And this is the response he gets.
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Dear NOrman

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet

NOw the newspapers are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean

Yours truly
Manager

Asking The Right Question


Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, “Why don’t you ask the Priest?”

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, “Father, may I smoke while I pray?”

The Priest replies, “No, my son, you may not! That’s utter disrespect to our religion.”

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, “I’m not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.”

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, “Father, may I pray while I smoke?”

To which the Priest eagerly replies, “By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to.”

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Moral of the story is… the reply you get depends on the question you ask.
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For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project don’t ask for the holiday;
ask: “Can I keep working on this project while I’m on vacation?

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Do You Hate Your Job?

When you have an “I Hate My Job” day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home :

Lock your doors
Draw the curtains
Disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable pajamas and sit in your favorite chair.
Carefully open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins:

Take out the literature and read it carefully.
You will notice, in small print , there is a statement.

“Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested.”

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times:
“I am so thankful that I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson.”

HAVE A GLORIOUS DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS!

Shopping For Monkey


A man goes into a pet shop to buy a monkey.

The shop owner points to 3 identical looking monkeys on a perch and says the monkey on the left cost $ 500.00,

Why does that one cost so much? asked the shopper.

The owner says well the monkey knows how to use a computer.

The man then asks about the next monkey and was told that this one cost $1000.00 because it can do everything the other monkey can do plus he knows the Unix operating system.

Naturally the increasingly startled man asks about the third monkey to be told that it costs $ 2000.00 .

Needles to say this begs the question.

What can it do?

To which the owner replies:

“To be honest I have never seen him do a thing but the other two call him BOSS”

Poetic Resignations

The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig

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The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don’t know if I should stay.

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To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say

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My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don’t know if I should stay.

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The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age

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This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

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The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate

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Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don’t know if I should stay!

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The managers don’t know what they talk
The team doesn’t know where they walk

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That’s a bad situation, what say?
I don’t know if I should stay.

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I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace

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I can’t keep switching day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

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The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess

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No more will I walk their way,
It’s all done, I won’t stay.

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