EXTREME OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.
EXTREME OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.
EXTREME OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.
EXTREME OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.
EXTREME OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a ‘Send All.’
EXTREME OF ACHIEVEMENT:
A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.
EXTREME OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself.
EXTREME OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you by some one in the receiving chain.
EXTREME OF BROWSING:
You are swimming in the water tank and shout “F1 F1 F1?” instead of shouting “HELP” when u are unable to swim…
EXTREME OF MY FRIENDSHIP:
I always mail, u don’t.
EXTREME OF HAVING NO WORK:
You reading such mails.
The Best “Out-Of-Office” E-Mail Auto-Replies:
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.
11: I’ve run away to join a different circus. AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Steve’
Here is something interesting…
Our FRIEND(Hero) WAS chatting with a female – Online chat.
Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC’s
Hero : Hey…GM (Good Morning)… How’s u doing today?
Female: VGM…Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero : wow…am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep…me too feel the same…Brb (be right back)’ll get some Coffee.
Hero : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager: Hey, I need some help from you
Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero : I would do that, but I think it’s quite hard, is it ok with you,
if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window…)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, She’s kinda….. keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work
Female: Yeah, it’s the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero : Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it’s real Urgent for me to work this out
Hero : hey, that’s a one-hour’s work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT…. YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!
This is what happened when a Company put up the following memo:
May all members of staff please note that there will only be one drink per person at this year’s Christmas Party.
And please bring your own cup!
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting…
On a Saturday morning…
Dad: People this is unacceptable.
You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here,
I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too,
I never use the home phone.
I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So – what is the problem?
We all use our work telephones !!!!!
A man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from work.
On the way to work in Bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him, got up and started walking.
The woman started yelled, “Umbrella thief, Umbrella thief.”
The embarrassed guy returned the umbrella and apologized, before getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers.
In the evening he picked up all his umbrellas repaired, put them under his arms and started walking towards home. Unfortunately the morning lady returning from work bumped into him.
The lady commented, “Seems, you had a profitable day at work today.”