Tag Archives: men

Why Wedding Ring Should Put On The Fourth Finger??

1)Firstly, show your palm, centre finger bend and put together back to back

2)Secondly, the rest 4 fingers tips to tips

3)Games begin, follow the below arrangement, 5 finger but only 1 pair can split

4)Try to open your thumb, the thumb represent parents, it can be open cause all human does go thru sick and dead. Which is our parents will leave us one day

5)Pls close up your thumb, then open your second finger, the finger represent brothers and sisters, they do have their own family which is too they will leave us too

6)Now close up your second finger, open up your little finer, this represent your children. Sooner or later they too will leave us for they got they own living to live

7)Nevertheless, close up your little finer, try to open your fourth finger which we put our wedding ring, you will be surprise to find that it cannot be open at all. Because it represent husband and wife, this whole life you will be attach to each other

Real love will stick together ever and forever

Thumb represent parents

Second finger represent brothers & sisters

Centre finger represent own self

Fourth finger represent your partner

Last finger represent your children.

Gender designations

Many Romance Languages (Italian, Spanish, French) give even inanimate objects a gender. In Spanish, for example, this determines whether you use el or la in front of the noun. If English designated things as either male or female, here are a few of recommendations.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

COPIER:
Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

HAMMER: Male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.

HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it. And, of course, there’s the hot air part.

HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

REMOTE CONTROL: Female! Consider this: It gives a man pleasure. He’d be lost without it. And while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

SHOES: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

TIRES: Male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.

ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

You would rather have your woman shop!

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”

“No,” I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.

“No,” I don’t waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!”

“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going t o take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine.”

Poor Men Lament !!!

*Thought 1*

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from? *

*Thought 2*

The average man’s life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.*

*Thought 3*

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, ‘If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.’ The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, ‘Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.’ The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. ‘Who are you?’ ‘I am your guardian angel,’ the voice answered. ‘Oh, yeah?’ the man asked ‘And where the hell were you when I got married?’

This is the best!!!*

*Thought 4*

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom ; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced ‘Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life..’ Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, ‘My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.’

The whole audience including priest started laughing….

…… But not the poor groom!!!!

Who Says Men Don’t Remember Anniversaries

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

“What’s the matter,dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “Why are you down here at this time of night?”.

The husband looks up, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes,I do” she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my carmaking love?”
“Yes, I remember” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues…

“Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'”

“I remember that too” she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says…

“I would have gotten out today!!!!”

Just for Laughs…

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
“Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: “Husband Wanted”. The next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying.”

A young son asked, “Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad replied, “That happens everywhere, son.”

Then there was a woman who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.”

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say without single interruption.. just talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it wasn’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy remarks, “You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive.”

A Woman’s Prayer .. Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, love to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll just beat him to death.

Why Wives Love Frying Pans

A man is quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.

“What was that for?” he exclaims.

“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Jenny written on it”, she replies.

“Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Jenny was the name of one of the horses I bet on”, he explains. She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house.

Three days later he is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asks why she had hit again.

Wife replies. “Your horse phoned”.

Male and Female Procedures for Drive-in ATM

New sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without
leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for
your gender.’

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Pages: 1 2 3 Next