Tag Archives: kids

Last day of kindergarten

On the last day of kindergarden,all the children Bought presents for their teacher.

The florist’s son Handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said,

“I bet I know what it is-its some flower!”

“That’s right !”shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher A gift she held it up,shook it and said,

“I bet I know what it is –it’s a box of candy !”

“That’s right !”shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from liquor store owner’s son. The teacher, Held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop With her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine ?” she asked.

“No,”the boy answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

“Is it champagne ?” she asked.

“No,”the boy answered.

Finally,the teacher said,

“I give up,what is it ?”

The boy replied, “A puppy.”

A Letter To Dad From Son

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I’ve been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it’s not only the passion, Dad, she’s pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son,
Chad

P.S: Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call me, when it is safe for me to come home!

Iam a Father!

I am a Father

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”

The little boy replied, “My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that. ”

The priest looked up from his book and answered “I am the Father of many.”

The boy said, “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.. ”

The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds” and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
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.
.
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“Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.”

Differentiate between Grandmas and Grandpas

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. Just he and his Granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather. “Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?” “Oh yes, Papa” the girl replied, “and do you know what? We didn’t see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head anywhere we went today!”

Being Positive.. A wonderful perspective

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip”?

“It was great, Dad.”

“Did you see how poor people live? The father asked.

“Oh yeah.” said the son.

“So tell me, what did you learn from the trip? Asked the father.

The Son answered:

“I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our Garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends to protect them.

The boy’s father was speechless.

Then his son added. “Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.”
Isn’t perspective a wonderful thing?
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don’t have.

Kida !!!

Generation Y continues to impress

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.

While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic !

1. Don’t change horses …….until they stop running.

2. Strike while the ………………………..bug is close.

3. It’s always darkest before ……Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of …………termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but ……..how?

6. Don’t bite the hand that ……………..looks dirty.

7. No news is ……………………………………impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a …………Mr.

9. You can’t teach an old dog new …………… math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll …………..stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust ………….. me.

12. The pen is mightier than the ………………. pigs.

13. An idle mind is ………….the best way to relax.

14. Where there’s smoke there’s …………….. pollution.

15. Happy the bride who …………gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is ………………….not much.

17. Two’s company, three’s ………….. the Musketeers.

18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what ………. you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ………..you have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as …………Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not ……………spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don’t succeed ………get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you …….see in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind …. get out of the way.

And the WINNER and the last one…

25. Better late than ………….pregnant! __._,_.___

The School Answering Machine

The School Answering Machine

This is the actual answering machine message for a school.

This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework.

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent – Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work – Press 2

To complain about what we do – Press 3

To swear at staff members – Press 4

To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you – Press 5

If you want us to raise your child – Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone – Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year – Press 8

To complain about bus transportation – Press 9

To complain about school lunches – Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

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