Tag Archives: heaven

You Gotta Spell A Word

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.

They saw her and began calling greetings to her, “Hello – How are you! We’ve been waiting for you! Good to see you.”

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, “This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?”
“You have to spell a word,” Saint Peter told her.

“Which word?” the woman asked.

“Love.”

The woman correctly spelled “Love” and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

“I’m surprised to see you,” the woman said. “How have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve been doing pretty well since you died,” her husband told her. “I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today.

I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?”

“You have to spell a word,” the woman told him.

“Which word?” her husband asked.

“Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis” , she replied.

Moral: Never make a woman angry . . . there will be Hell to pay!

N.B: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the supposed lung disease pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).

Wrong Email Address !!!

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.

However he accidently typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,

Somewhere  a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her mail, expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I’ve just reached
Date: 13th oct 2006

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.

I’ve just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tommorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was;

Taxi Driver and a Priest in Heaven

A heavenly post like we had earlier 😉

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses the man wearing somewhat sloppy clothes, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

The guy replies, “I’m Jack Thomas Jr., taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Then it’s the minister’s turn. He stands up tall and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s Church, for the last forty-three years.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man before me was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff.
Why, How can this be?”

Saint Peter, looks to the preacher and says,

“Up here, we work by results,”

“While you preached, people slept. While Jack drove, people prayed.”

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Sherry.
2nd woman: Hi! I’m Sylvia. How’d you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy  & finally died a peaceful death.  What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch
him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic & searched, & down into the basement.

Then I went through every closet & checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, & finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack & died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the
freezer—we’d both still be alive.