Tag Archives: funny

Condition of Pregnant Wife in Hospital

What’s the Condition ?

A Husband makes a Call to Hospital to enquire about his pregnant wife. But accidentally the call went to a cricket stadium.

He asked what is the condition.

He died after what he heard.

Guess What would be the reply ???

It is …

7 are already out.

3 More will be out hopefully by lunch.

and ………… ……… ……… …

The first one was a DUCK… 😉

Warning to all dog owners

Warning to all dog owners: Watch your dog!

The State Highway Patrol in conjunction with the FBI has issued a warning advising all dog owners to keep their dogs indoors until further notice. Dogs are being picked off one at a time on and shot, an almost continual basis throughout the city. They are falling in great numbers. Police in the city advise all dog owners not to walk their dogs – KEEP THEM INDOORS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!

warning

Do you know these practical definitions of professions?

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip
Laurence J. Peter

An editor is a person employed on a newspaper whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
Elbert Hubbard

A journalist is someone who spend 50% of its time not saying what he knows and 50% of its time talking about things he doesn’t know.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief”.

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

A philosopher is a person who doesn’t have a job but at least understands why.

A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

A psychologist is a man whom you pay a lot of money to ask you questions that your wife asks free of charge.

A sociologist is someone who, when a beautiful women enters the room and everybody look at her, looks at everybody.

And We thought Equations are Mathematical ..

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
If, Human – enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,
Human that don’t know enjoy = Donkey that work

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money
If Men – earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don’t earn money = Donkeys

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend
If, Women – spend = Donkeys
In other words,
Women that don’t spend = Donkeys

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
To Conclude:
* Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!
* Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!
* Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys!
** And the Donkeys lived happily ever after!

Future Fireman

fire_man
A guy meets a childhood pal.

“What are you doing for yourself these days?”

“I’m a fireman.”

“Oh yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman.”

“Well, if you want some good advice, you’ve got to install in your house a pole that will go to the basement so your kid can practice, cause the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night.”

Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again.

“Well, did your son become a fireman?”

“No, but I have two daughters who are “dancers.”

A Marvellous Answer By Doctor

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,”Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute.”

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ’em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? ”

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic…..

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He said: “Try to do it when the engine is running”. :)

The Best Of The Worst

THE WORST HIJACKING

We shall never know the identity of the man who in 1976 made the most unsuccessful hijack attempt ever. On a flight across America, he rose from his seat,drew gun and took the stewardess hostage. “Take me to Detroit,” he demanded. “We’re already going to Detroit,” she replied.

“Oh … good,” he said, and sat down again.

THE WORST BANK ROBBERY

In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building. A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them.

When they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke. Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again.

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