Tag Archives: funny

Navy man and Army man


A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite directions on a curvy mountain road.

The army man hits a patch of sand, swerves, and nails the Navy man’s truck. They both exit their cars with no injuries, but their vehicles are ruined.

Now, the rivalry between Army and Navy is well known, so needless to say a heated argument followed.

Then suddenly the Navy man changed heart and said, “Hold on, this is dumb. It was an accident. Let’s put this rivalry behind us.”

The Army man agreed this was a good idea.

So the Navy man offered, “Why don’t we celebrate our new friendship over a fifth of vodka? I have a bottle in the truck.”

The Army man thought this was an excellent idea.

So the Navy man, being a gentleman, offered the Army man the first drink, and told the Army man to drink as much as he wanted.

Soon half the bottle was gone and he offered the bottle back to the Navy man who said, “Thanks, but I’ll wait till after the cops get here!”

Distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”

Distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”

Medical Distinctions

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below…

GUTS – is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS – is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking , there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

Poetic Resignations

The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig

*************

The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don’t know if I should stay.

*************

To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say

*************

My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don’t know if I should stay.

*************

The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age

*************

This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

*************

The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate

*************

Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don’t know if I should stay!

*************

The managers don’t know what they talk
The team doesn’t know where they walk

*************

That’s a bad situation, what say?
I don’t know if I should stay.

*************

I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace

*************

I can’t keep switching day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

*************

The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess

*************

No more will I walk their way,
It’s all done, I won’t stay.

Every country is different!

One Hand On Steering Wheel,
One Hand Out Of Window…
You Are in SYDNEY …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

One Hand On Steering Wheel,
One Hand On Horn…
You Are in JAPAN …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

One Hand On Steering Wheel,
One Hand On Newspaper,
Foot Solidly On Accelerator…
You Are in BOSTON …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Both Hands On Steering Wheel,
Eyes Shut,
Both Feet On Brake,
Quivering In Terror
You Are in NEW YORK …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Both Hands In Air,
Gesturing,
Both Feet On Accelerator,
Head Turned To Talk To Someone In Back Seat…
You Are in ITALY …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

One Hand On Horn,
One Hand On Holding Gear,
One Ear Listening To Loud Music,
One Ear On Cell Phone,
One Foot On Accelerator,
One Foot On Clutch,
Nothing On Brake,
Eyes On Females In Next Car,

WELCOME TO INDIA

What should you wear??

A man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

“Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper” the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice.
“Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”

Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. “Let me tell you a story,” replied the Priest.

“A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. ‘Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.’

But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice.

Wear your most s$#y negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.”

The man protested: “What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!”
.

.

.

.
“Simple”, replied the Priest…
“It doesn’t matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!”

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