Tag Archives: funny

Men are men (A day at Lamaze Class)

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.

The Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

“Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher. “Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room was very quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. “Yes?” asked the instructor. “Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

Umbrella Thief

A man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from work.

On the way to work in Bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him, got up and started walking.

The woman started yelled, “Umbrella thief, Umbrella thief.”

The embarrassed guy returned the umbrella and apologized, before getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers.

In the evening he picked up all his umbrellas repaired, put them under his arms and started walking towards home. Unfortunately the morning lady returning from work bumped into him.

The lady commented, “Seems, you had a profitable day at work today.”

How can Bill Gates go Bankrupt

1. Bill Gates earns US$250 every SECOND, that’s about US$20 Million a DAY and US$7.8 Billion a YEAR!

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2. If he drops a thousand dollar, he won’t even bother to pick it up bcoz the 4 seconds he picks it, he would’ve already earned it back.

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3. The US national debt is about 5.62 trillion, if Bill Gates were to pay the debt by himself; he will finish it in less then 10 years.

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4. He can donate US$15 to everyone on earth but still be left with US$5 Million for his pocket money.

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5. Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in US. If he doesn’t drink and eat, and keeps up his annual income i.e. US$30 Million, he’ll have to wait for 277 years to become as rich as Bill Gates is now.

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6. If Bill Gates was a country, he would be the 37th richest country on earth.

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7. If you change all of Bill Gate’s money to US$1 notes, you can make a road from earth to moon, 14 times back and forth. But you have to make that road non-stop for 1,400 years, and use a total of 713 BOEING 747 planes to transport all the money.

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8. Bill Gates is 40 this year. If we assume that he will live for another 35 years, he has to spend US$6.78 Million per day to finish all his money before he can go to heaven.

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Last but not the least: If Microsoft Windows’ users can claim US$1 for every time their computers hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will be bankrupt in 3 years !!!!!!!

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Exercising – Funny

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she’s 97 years old and we don’t know where the hell she is.

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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

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The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

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I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

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If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

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Blonde’s Year in Review

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

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February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..

Helllloooo!!!…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!

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March – Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….box said “2-4 years!”

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April – Trapped on escalator for hours….. power went out!!!

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May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions…. 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

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June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

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July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

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August – Got locked out of my car in rainstorm…..car swamped because soft-top was open.

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September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

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October – Hate M &M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

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November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.

Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

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December – Couldn’t call 911….”duh”…….. there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

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