Tag Archives: funny

Fridge – Free to good home

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: ‘Free to good home. You want it, you take it…’

For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: ‘Fridge for sale $50.’

The next day someone stole it!

Three Irish Brothers

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he, says, “everyone’s fine. I’ve just quit drinking.”

Do You Like A Hot Chili?

A guy sits down in a Cafe and asks for the hot chili.

The waitress says, “The guy next to you got the last bowl.”

He looks over and sees that the guy’s finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full. He says, “Are you going to eat that?”

The other guy says, “No. Help yourself.”

He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something.

He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, “That’s about as far as I got, too.”

Customer Care in 2012

Operator : ‘Thank you for calling Shanti Sagar Fast Food. May I have your…’

Customer: ‘Helloo, can I order..’

Operator : ‘Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?’

Customer: ‘It’s aah…, hold on…… 889861356102049998-45-54610’

Operator : ‘OK… you’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 1715B, 18th Cross Malleswaram. Your home number is 23440946, your office 56452302 and your mobile is 9823426625. You are now calling from your mobile now, Sir?’
Customer: ‘How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : ‘We are connected to the system Sir’

Customer: ‘May I order your Seafood Pizza….’

Operator : ‘That’s not a good idea Sir’

Customer: ‘How come?’

Operator : ‘According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir’

Customer: ‘What?… What do you recommend then?’

Operator : ‘Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You’ll like it’

Customer: ‘How do you know for sure?’

Operator : ‘You borrowed a book entitled ‘Popular Hokkien Dishes’ from the National Library last week Sir’

Customer: ‘OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?’

Operator : ‘That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs 999.99’

Customer: ‘Can I pay by credit card?’

Operator : ‘I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 39,720.55 since October last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.’

Customer: ‘I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives’

Operator : ‘You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today’

Customer: ‘Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?’

Operator : ‘About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your scooter…’

Customer: ‘ What!’

Operator : ‘According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,…registration number KA 04 X 1123…’

Customer: ‘ ????’

Operator : ‘Is there anything else Sir?’

Customer: ‘Nothing… by the way… aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?’

Operator : ‘We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic……. ‘

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : ‘Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1997 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman…?’

Customer: [Faints]

Spread the Stupidity

Spread the Stupidity

Only in America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America …..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ……do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ……….do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

Only in America …..do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER …
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 Next