1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a research fellow at the other end.
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage : It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”
24. Pessimist :– A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails!
Download the file and view it on internet Explorer!!
Just follow the instructions below and see the Difference
The person who must have done this must be an Excel freak…….his art work is worth looking!!!!
To see his work of art, please do the following:
1. Open the file village.xls
2. Select all cells (or press CTRL+A )
3. Go to format, row, and height & insert 15.33
4. Go to format, column, and width & insert 2.4
5. Admire the result. Absolutely Brilliant!!!! ( click the sheet to see the actual colors)
Once there was loving couple traveling in a bus in a mountainous area. They decided to get down at some place.
After the couple got down at some place, the bus moved on. As the bus moved on, a huge rock fell on the bus from the mountain and Crushed the bus to crumbs.
Everybody on board was killed. The couple upon seeing that, said, “We wish we were on that bus” Why do u think they said that?
Scroll down for answer
——————- Answer !!!! ——————-
If they had remained on the bus instead of deciding to
get down, the resulting time delay could have been avoided and the
rock would have fallen after the bus had passed ..!!!
Always-think positive in life and look for opportunities when
u can help others.