Tag Archives: Computers

Tech Support Jokes

Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.
Customer: Ok.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer No.
Tech Support:: Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
Customer: Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.

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Customer: I received the software update you sent,but I am still getting the same error message.
Tech Support:Did you install the update?
Customer: No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?

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Customer: I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.
Tech Support: Tell me what you’ve done.
Customer: I typed ‘A:SETUP’.!
Tech Support:: Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.
Customer:: It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.
Tech Support: Insert the MS Word setup disk.
Customer:: What?
Tech Support: Did you buy MS word?
Customer: No…

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Customer:: Do I need a computer to use your software?
Tech Support:: ?!%#$

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Tech Support:: Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?
Customer: Wow. How can you see my screen from there?

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Tech Support:: What type of computer do you have?
Customer:: A white one.

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Tech Support:: Type ‘A:’ at the prompt.
Customer:: How do you spell that?

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Tech Support: What’s on your screen right now?
Customer: A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.

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Tech Support:: What operating system are you running?
Customer: Pentium.

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Customer: My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.

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Check out the Video

Project Managers…

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs10,000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living?

Are you a weight-lifter, or what?”
“No,” replied the man.

”I work as a project manager in a software company !! “

Fwd: Computer Gender?

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French,
nouns,
unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as
masculine or feminine.

“House,” in French, is feminine–“la maison.” “Pencil,” in French, is
masculine–“le crayon.”

One puzzled student asked, “What gender is computer?”

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn’t in her French
dictionary.
So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough,
by
gender, and asked them to decide whether “computer” should be a
masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their
recommendation.

The men’s group decided that computers should definitely be of the
feminine gender (“la computer”), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for
possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be
masculine
(“le computer”), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you’d waited
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Microsoft………………………..The heart of our life

You might have come across many articles regarding the usage of Microsoft products. Did you ever imagine that you can’t create a folder in Microsoft Windows.

Try to create a FOLDER anywhere on your computer which can be named as “CON”.

This is something pretty cool…and unbelievable. .. At Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn’t answer why this happened!

TRY IT NOW , IT WILL NOT CREATE ” CON ” FOLDER

Try To rename the New Folder as CON or con It will not Accept

Year 2038, another Y2k??

The Year 2038 Problem

Test it now…

steps…

1. login to yahoo messenger

2. send instant message to anyone – fine its working…

3. now, change ur system date to 19-Jan-2038, 03:14:07 AM or above

(as mentioned in mail)

4. Confirm weather ur date is changed

5. again send instant message to anyone…

Your YM crahes….

* * * YES ALL NETWORK BASED APPLICATION WILL NOT WORK NOW * * *

Why…..

What is it?

Starting at GMT 03:14:07, Tuesday, January 19, 2038, It is expected to see lots of systems around the world breaking magnificently: satellites falling out of orbit, massive power outages (like the 2003 North American blackout), hospital life support system failures, phone system interruptions, banking errors, etc. One second after this critical second, many of

these systems will have wildly inaccurate date settings, producing all kinds of unpredictable consequences. In short, many of the dire predictions for the year 2000 are much more likely to actually occur in the year 2038!
Consider the year 2000 just a dry run. In case you think we can sit on this issue for another 30 years before addressing it, consider that reports of temporal echoes of the 2038 problem are already starting to appear in future date calculations for mortgages and vital statistics!

In the first month of the year 2038 C.E. many computers will encounter a date-related bug in their operating systems and/or in the applications they run. This can result in incorrect and wildly inaccurate dates being reported by the operating system and/or applications. The effect of this bug is hard to predict, because many applications are not prepared for the resulting “skip” in reported time anywhere from 1901 to a “broken record” repeat of the reported time at the second the bug occurs. Also, may make some small adjustment to the actual time the bug expresses itself. This bug to cause serious problems on many platforms, especially Unix and Unix-like platforms, because these systems will “run out of time”.

What causes it?

Time_t is a data type used by C and C++ programs to represent dates and times internally. (Windows programmers out there might also recognize it as the basis for the CTime and CTimeSpan classes in MFC.) time_t is actually just an integer, a whole number, that counts the number of seconds since January 1, 1970 at 12:00 AM Greenwich Mean Time. A time_t value of 0 would be 12:00:00 AM (exactly midnight) 1-Jan-1970, a time_t value of 1 would be 12:00:01 AM

(one second after midnight) 1-Jan-1970, etc..

some example times and their exact time_t representations:

Date & time time_t representation

1-Jan-1970, 12:00:00 AM GMT 0

1-Jan-1970, 12:01:00 AM GMT 60

1-Jan-1970, 01:00:00 AM GMT 3 600

2-Jan-1970, 12:00:00 AM GMT 86 400

1-Jan-1971, 12:00:00 AM GMT 31 536 000

1-Jan-1972, 12:00:00 AM GMT 63 072 000

1-Jan-2038, 12:00:00 AM GMT 2 145 916 800

19-Jan-2038, 03:14:07 AM GMT 2 147 483 647

By the year 2038, the time_t representation for the current time will be over 2 140 000 000. And that’s the problem. A modern 32-bit computer stores a “signed integer” data type, such as time_t, in 32 bits. The first of these bits is used for the positive/negative sign of the integer, while the remaining 31 bits are used to store the number itself. The highest number these 31 data bits can store works out to exactly 2 147 483 647. A time_t value of this exact number, 2 147 483 647, represents January 19, 2038, at 7 seconds past 3:14 AM Greenwich Mean Time. So, at 3:14:07 AM GMT on that fateful day, every time_t used in a 32-bit C or C++ program will reach its upper limit.

One second later, on 19-January-2038 at 3:14:08 AM GMT, disaster strikes.

When a signed integer reaches its maximum value and then gets incremented, it wraps around to its lowest possible negative value. This means a 32-bit signed integer, such as a time_t, set to its maximum value of 2 147 483 647 and then incremented by 1, will become -2 147 483 648. Note that “-” sign at the beginning of this large number. A time_t value of -2 147 483 648 would represent December 13, 1901 at 8:45:52 PM GMT.

So, if all goes normally, 19-January-2038 will suddenly become
13-December-1901 in every time_t across the globe, and every date
calculation based on this figure will go haywire. And it gets worse. Most of the support functions that use the time_t data type cannot handle negative time_t values at all. They simply fail and return an error code.

A quick check with the following Perl script may help determine if your computers will have problems (this requires Perl to be installed on your system, of course):

#!/usr/bin/perl

# Use POSIX (Portable Operating System Interface) use POSIX;

# Set the Time Zone to GMT (Greenwich Mean Time) for

date calculations.

$ENV{‘TZ’} = “GMT”;

# Count up in seconds of Epoch time just before and

after the critical event.

for ($clock = 2147483641; $clock < 2147483651; $clock++)

{print ctime($clock);}

For example, the output of this script on Debian GNU/Linux (kernel 2.4.22)
(An affected system) will be

# ./2038.pl

Tue Jan 19 03:14:01 2038

Tue Jan 19 03:14:02 2038

Tue Jan 19 03:14:03 2038

Tue Jan 19 03:14:04 2038

Tue Jan 19 03:14:05 2038

Tue Jan 19 03:14:06 2038

Tue Jan 19 03:14:07 2038

Fri Dec 13 20:45:52 1901

Fri Dec 13 20:45:52 1901

Fri Dec 13 20:45:52 1901

Solution

“The best way to predict the future is to engineer it.” Consider testing your mission-critical code well ahead of time on a non-production test platform set just before the critical date. For more general applications, just using large types for storing dates will do the trick in most cases. For example, in GNU C, 64-bits (a “long ” type) is sufficient to keep the time from rolling over for literally geological eons This just means any executables the operating systems runs will always get the correct time reported to them when queried in the correct manner. It doesn’t stop the executables you may still want to be worried about Well-written programs can simply be recompiled with a new version of the library that uses, for example, 8-byte values for the storage format. This is possible because the library encapsulates the whole time activity with its own time types and functions (unlike most mainframe programs, which did not standardize their date formats or calculations). So the Year 2038 problem should not be nearly
as hard to fix as the Y2K problem was.

Admittedly, some don’t feel that this impending disaster will strike too many people. They reason that, by the time 2038 rolls around, most programs will be running on 64-bit or even 128-bit computers. In a 64-bit program, a time_t could represent any date and time in the future out to 292 000 000 000 A.D., which is about 20 times the currently estimated age of the universe. The problem with this kind of optimism is the same root problem behind most of the Year 2000 concerns that plagued the software industry in previous years: Legacy Code. Even if every PC in the year 2038 has a 64-bit CPU, there will be a lot of older 32-bit programs running on them.

The greatest danger with the Year 2038 Problem is its invisibility. The more-famous Year 2000 is a big, round number; it only takes a few seconds of thought, even for a computer-illiterate person, to imagine what might happen when 1999 turns into 2000. But January 19, 2038 is not nearly as obvious. Software companies will probably not think of trying out a Year 2038 scenario before doomsday strikes. Of course, there will be some warning ahead of time. Scheduling software, billing programs, personal reminder calendars, and other such pieces of code that set dates in the near future will fail as soon as one of their target dates exceeds 19-Jan-2038, assuming a time_t is used to store them.

Good luck, and hope no ones flying car breaks down in 2038

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