Tag Archives: Computers

Addicted to the Internet!!

go2bed

1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy—–for a year!!!!!”(FOR DIAL UP’S)

2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.

3. You see something funny and scream, “LOL, LOL.”

4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ ……instead of ICU!

5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.

6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer.

7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car.

8. Tech support calls YOU for help.

9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can “hang out.”

10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.

11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.

12. You say “he he he he” or “heh heh heh” instead of laughing.

13. You say “SCROLL UP” when someone asks what it was you said.

14. You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.

15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.

16. You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.

17. You start to experience “withdrawal” after not being online for awhile.

18. You say…….”Where did the time go??”

19. You sit on ICQ for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.

20. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

21.You end your sentences with…..three or more periods…….

22. Your shoes are suddenly 2 sizes too small.

23. You think faster than the computer.

24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and ** kisses**.

25. Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.

26. You’re on the phone and say BRB.

27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.

28. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this….”BRB. Leave your S/N and I’ll TTYL ASAP”.

29. You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.

30. You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-life.

Wrong Email Address !!!

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.

However he accidently typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,

Somewhere  a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her mail, expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I’ve just reached
Date: 13th oct 2006

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.

I’ve just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tommorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was;

Some Sweet Extremes

EXTREME OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

EXTREME OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.

EXTREME OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.

EXTREME OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.

EXTREME OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a ‘Send All.’

EXTREME OF ACHIEVEMENT:
A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.

EXTREME OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself.

EXTREME OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you by some one in the receiving chain.

EXTREME OF BROWSING:
You are swimming in the water tank and shout “F1 F1 F1?” instead of shouting “HELP” when u are unable to swim…

EXTREME OF MY FRIENDSHIP:
I always mail, u don’t.

EXTREME OF HAVING NO WORK:
You reading such mails.

Online Chatting

Here is something interesting…

Our FRIEND(Hero) WAS chatting with a female – Online chat.
Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC’s

Hero : Hey…GM (Good Morning)… How’s u doing today?

Female: VGM…Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero : wow…am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep…me too feel the same…Brb (be right back)’ll get some Coffee.

Hero : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero : I would do that, but I think it’s quite hard, is it ok with you,
if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window…)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, She’s kinda….. keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Female: Yeah, it’s the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero : Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it’s real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero : hey, that’s a one-hour’s work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT…. YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

How can Bill Gates go Bankrupt

1. Bill Gates earns US$250 every SECOND, that’s about US$20 Million a DAY and US$7.8 Billion a YEAR!

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2. If he drops a thousand dollar, he won’t even bother to pick it up bcoz the 4 seconds he picks it, he would’ve already earned it back.

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3. The US national debt is about 5.62 trillion, if Bill Gates were to pay the debt by himself; he will finish it in less then 10 years.

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4. He can donate US$15 to everyone on earth but still be left with US$5 Million for his pocket money.

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5. Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in US. If he doesn’t drink and eat, and keeps up his annual income i.e. US$30 Million, he’ll have to wait for 277 years to become as rich as Bill Gates is now.

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6. If Bill Gates was a country, he would be the 37th richest country on earth.

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7. If you change all of Bill Gate’s money to US$1 notes, you can make a road from earth to moon, 14 times back and forth. But you have to make that road non-stop for 1,400 years, and use a total of 713 BOEING 747 planes to transport all the money.

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8. Bill Gates is 40 this year. If we assume that he will live for another 35 years, he has to spend US$6.78 Million per day to finish all his money before he can go to heaven.

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Last but not the least: If Microsoft Windows’ users can claim US$1 for every time their computers hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will be bankrupt in 3 years !!!!!!!

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Satyam CEO at the Slumdog Millionaire show

slumdog

With Slumdog Millionaire proving to be ‘SlumGOD Millionaire’ for one and all associated with it, the ever-so-versatile cartoonist Morparia has come up with yet another winner of a cartoon. This time, the subject is the infamous Satyam scandal, which seems to be the hot favourite amongst all the critics and likes, the last one being that of Amul (‘Satyam, Sharam, Scandalam’).

This time, on the hot-seat is none other than the police chief and while the contestant’s chair is adorned by a Raju lookalike, in a show called ‘Jaildog Millionaire’. The question in question reads as ‘Where are the Satyam millions’? And the options for the answers are: ‘Swiss bank, Real estate, Stashed away, or with politicians.’ While the answers are anybody’s guess (or is it nobody’s guess?), Morparia is one man who really needs to be lauded and applauded for stripping the truth and bringing marvelous cartoon strips!

If computer languages were cars

* C is a racing car that goes incredibly fast but breaks down every fifty miles.

* C++ is a souped-up racing car with dozens of extra features that only breaks down every 250 miles, but when it does, nobody can figure out what went wrong.

* Java is a family station wagon. It’s easy to drive, it’s not too fast, and you can’t hurt yourself.

* C# is a competing model of family station wagons. Once you use this, you’re never allowed to use the competitors’ products again.

* Lisp looks like a car, but with enough tweaking you can turn it into a pretty effective airplane or submarine.

* Perl is supposed to be a pretty cool car, but the driver’s manual is incomprehensible. Also, even if you can figure out how to drive a perl car, you won’t be able to drive anyone else’s.

* Python is a great beginner’s car; you can drive it without a license. Unless you want to drive really fast or on really treacherous terrain, you may never need another car.

* Ruby is a car that was formed when the Perl, Python and Smalltalk cars were involved in a three-way collision. A Japanese mechanic found the pieces and put together a car which many people think was better than the sum of the parts.

* Fortran is a pretty primitive car; it’ll go very quickly as long as you are only going along roads that are perfectly straight. It is believed that learning to drive a Fortran car makes it impossible to learn to drive any other model.

* Cobol is reputed to be a car, but no self-respecting driver will ever admit having driven one.

* Assembly Language is a bare engine; you have to build the car yourself and manually supply it with gas while it’s running, but if you’re careful it can go like a bat out of hell.

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