Tag Archives: Computers

10 Laws Of Computing

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you’d least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human…to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.

7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.

8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

9. A complex system that doesn’t work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

Internet Sayings

Internet Sayings

Home is where you hang your @.

The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.

Great groups from little icons grow.

Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

C: is the root of all directories.

Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.

Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

The modem is the message.

Too many clicks spoil the browse.

The geek shall inherit the earth.

A chat has nine lives.

Don’t byte off more than you can view.

Fax is stranger than fiction.

What boots up must come down.

Windows will never cease.

Virtual reality is its own reward.

Modulation in all things.

A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

There’s no place like home.com.

Know what to expect before you connect.

Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

Customer support

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… Sorry….

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Tech support:
What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support:
Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…

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Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.
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Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer : Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”

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A Letter To Bill Gates

Dear Mr Bill Gates

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we
face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the ’shut down ‘ button.

3. There is a button ’start’ but there is no “stop” button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friend clicked ‘run ‘ has ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to “sit”, so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any ‘re-scooter’ available in system? As I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ‘ find’, but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my ‘mouse’ from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning ‘HEARTS’ (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect your money.

9. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when u will provide that?

10. Hey what is this, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad, but there is only one icon with ‘MY Computer’, what happened to the remaining?

11. There is not even single photo of mine in the ‘MY Pictures’.. when u will keep my photo in that.

12. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’

Thanking you,

Yours
Banta Singh

You have got a mail

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

If Only Life Could Be Like a Computer!

If you messed up your life, you could press “Alt, Ctrl, Delete” and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”.

Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
To “add/remove” someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lose your car keys, click on “find”.

“Help” with the chores is just a click away.

You wouldn’t need auto insurance.  You’d use your diskette to recover from a crash.

We could click on “send” and the kids would go to bed immediately.

To feel like a new person, click on “refresh”.

Click on “close” to shut up the kids and spouse.

To undo a mistake, click on “back”.

Is your wardrobe getting old? Click “update”.

You don’t like cleaning the litter box, click on “delete”.

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