A young woman said to her doctor, ‘You have to help me, I hurt all over!’
‘What do you mean?’ said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,’Ow, that hurts.’
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, ‘Ouch! That hurts, too.’
Then she touched her right earlobe. ‘Ow, even THAT hurts!’
The doctor asked the woman, ‘Are you a natural blonde?’
‘Why yes,’ she said.
‘I thought so,’ said the doctor. ‘You have a sprained finger.’
There are three women stranded on an island.
One is brunette, one’s a redhead, and the other one is a blonde.
There is land in sight. “I have an idea!” the redhead says.
“We can swim there!”
So the redhead jumps into the water, swims 1/4 of the way, and drowns.
The brunette says, “I’m a better swimmer. I can get there.”
She manages to swim 1/3 of the way and she drowns.
The blonde dives into the water, swims 1/2 of the way, and looks around.
“I’m pretty tired.” she says. “I’m gonna swim back.”
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
‘What’s up?’ she asks.
‘I think I’m having a heart attack,’ cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, ‘Mommy! Mommy! Aunty Shirley is hiding in your wardrobe and she’s got no clothes on!’
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
‘You rotten hussy,’ she screams. ‘My husband’s having a heart attack, and you’re running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
Which one of these is a Blonde??
Did you get it??
Its the one with the wrong leg up
January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..
Helllloooo!!!…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!
March – Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….box said “2-4 years!”
April – Trapped on escalator for hours….. power went out!!!
May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions…. 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!
June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August – Got locked out of my car in rainstorm…..car swamped because soft-top was open.
September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???
October – Hate M &M’s…..they are so hard to peel.
November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December – Couldn’t call 911….”duh”…….. there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to WALMART!
WALMART is the largest retailer in the world!!!
Sardar ji says I love u to his girl friend and suddenly falls on the floor.
Girl Friend: What is this?
Sardarji: O ji, I’m falling in love!
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:” Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: “I’m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can’t read very fast