Tag Archives: Automotive

How to Safeguard your Ferrari when you are away

An Businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going out of country on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Businessman hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the guy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,

“Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,  but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000” ?

The Businessman replies: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'”

A Marvellous Answer By Doctor

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,”Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute.”

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ’em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? ”

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic…..

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He said: “Try to do it when the engine is running”. :)

A Message from wife!

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me. I was coming home from shopping, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

Iam really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

P.S. Your girlfriend called.
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Avoid cruise control, when wet or icy

I wonder how many people know about this?

A 36-year old female had an accident several weeks ago and totalled her car. A resident of Wollongong, NSW, she was travelling between Wollongong & Sydney.

It was raining, though not excessively, when her car suddenly began to hydroplane and literally flew through the air. She was not seriously injured but very stunned at the sudden occurrence!

When she explained to the policeman what had happened, he told her something that every driver should know – NEVER drive IN THE RAIN WITH YOUR CRUISE CONTROL ON.

She had thought she was being cautious by setting the cruise control and maintaining a safe consistent speed in the rain.

But the policeman told her that if the cruise control is on and your car begins to hydroplane — when your tyres lose contact with the pavement, your car will accelerate to a higher rate of speed and you take off like an airplane.

She told the policeman that was exactly what had occurred. The policeman estimated her car was actually travelling through the air at 10 to 15 kms per hour faster than the speed set on the cruise control.

The policeman said this warning should be listed, on the driver’s seat sun-visor – NEVER USE THE CRUISE CONTROL WHEN THE PAVEMENT IS WET OR ICY, along with the airbag warning.

Insurance companies, do warn about this

Pass it on to your family & friends

If computer languages were cars

* C is a racing car that goes incredibly fast but breaks down every fifty miles.

* C++ is a souped-up racing car with dozens of extra features that only breaks down every 250 miles, but when it does, nobody can figure out what went wrong.

* Java is a family station wagon. It’s easy to drive, it’s not too fast, and you can’t hurt yourself.

* C# is a competing model of family station wagons. Once you use this, you’re never allowed to use the competitors’ products again.

* Lisp looks like a car, but with enough tweaking you can turn it into a pretty effective airplane or submarine.

* Perl is supposed to be a pretty cool car, but the driver’s manual is incomprehensible. Also, even if you can figure out how to drive a perl car, you won’t be able to drive anyone else’s.

* Python is a great beginner’s car; you can drive it without a license. Unless you want to drive really fast or on really treacherous terrain, you may never need another car.

* Ruby is a car that was formed when the Perl, Python and Smalltalk cars were involved in a three-way collision. A Japanese mechanic found the pieces and put together a car which many people think was better than the sum of the parts.

* Fortran is a pretty primitive car; it’ll go very quickly as long as you are only going along roads that are perfectly straight. It is believed that learning to drive a Fortran car makes it impossible to learn to drive any other model.

* Cobol is reputed to be a car, but no self-respecting driver will ever admit having driven one.

* Assembly Language is a bare engine; you have to build the car yourself and manually supply it with gas while it’s running, but if you’re careful it can go like a bat out of hell.

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