Effects of Mallu Blood

An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally.

So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a malayalee in Kerala was located who had a similar type of blood. The mallu willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the mallu as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Toyota Prado, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the mallu who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the mallu a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets.

The mallu was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the mallu’s kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him that this time also I thought that you would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery….. But you gave only a thank you card and a jar of Almond sweets.

On this the Arab replied “mone…..now I have mallu blood in my veins!”

Even More Sardar Jokes

A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C. After seeing the Form He had gone to DELHI for filling up.

U know y?

FORM say “FILL UP IN CAPITAL”

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A Sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.

Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.

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Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?

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19 SARDARS WENT FOR AN ADULT FILM. ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN A BIG GROUP OF 19?
THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18.

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A sardar ji photographer focusing a dead body’s face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat him why?

He said “SMILE PLEASE”

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Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is “u will go to jail”.

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Sardar gets ready, wears tie,coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly.
A man asks why he does this.
Sardar: “I’ve been promoted as branch manager.”

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Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.

WHY?

Because his doctor advised him “Todays dinner should be light”

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One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking…

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Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It”s already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

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Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor At 50th floor he remembers I don’t have a daughter!

At 25flr:I’m unmarried!

At 10flr:I’m Banta not santa

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Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: “Give me 20 cr or else return my 20Rs back.!

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A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.

He wrote “DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!”

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Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it….

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What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

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Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says… Drink quickly……
Wife asks why…
sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10

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Sardar’s wish :when i die, i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

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Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

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Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

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Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-I m seeing how i look while sleeping.

What do Women Really Want?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur’s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he’d have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur’s question: What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur’s life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he’d ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she’d been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.

She asked him which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his predicament: During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don’t read until you’ve made your own choice.

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

The Moral of the Story: It doesn’t matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, underneath it all, she’s still a witch!

Miscommunication

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don’t have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.

So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.

Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don’t always come out the way you want them to……..

attachment.jpg

2009 F1 in India?

He is often called the Richard Branson of Bangalore, he wears bracelets, earrings, sunglasses and dyes his hair and beard. He also has a genuine and longstanding love of motor racing, and that is why India’s most colorful billionaire investor, executive and entrepreneur Vijay Mallaya finalized a deal this month to buy the Spyker Formula One team for €88 million from the Dutch car company.

There is also been rumors that he would be teaming-up with Naren Karthikeyan

vijay-malya.jpg

The Teams logo would probably look like the one on Mallaya’s hat

Complete Story

Life in a Jar

A professor stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

“The golf balls are the important things – your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

“The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.

“The sand is everything else–the small stuff.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

“The same goes for life.
“If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children.

“Take time to get medical checkups.

“Take your partner out to dinner.

“Play another 18.

“There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

“Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.

“Set your priorities.

“The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.

“It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.”

An Italian girl

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”

The husband laughs and says: “An Italian girl !!!” The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Very good, thank you.” “And, what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” She asked.

“The one I asked for – an Italian girl!!”

“Oh, that” she said “Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!”

More Sardar Jokes

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Interviewer: Which year?
Sardar: EVERY YEAR

Manager asked Sardar at an interview, Can you spell a word that has more
than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, Sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, “Gandi was a great man, but I don’t know who is Jayanthi.

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it’s one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked.
Then he cut it’s second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked.
Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it’s fourth leg and ordered it walk!
But cockroach didn’t walk. Suddenly Sardar said loudly, “I found it. If we cut cockroach’s four legs, it becomes deaf.

When Sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.
Sardar shouted, “You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Sardar went to a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Sardar pointed towards the board “WASH BASIN”

Interviewer: just imagine you are in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

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