Perks of Being over 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run–anywhere.

4. People call at 9pm and ask, ” Did I wake you ????”

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. Forward this to every one you can remember

Men Vs Women

Difference between men and women

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

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3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

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4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

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5. There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman- before and after marriage.

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6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

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7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

Laughter is an instant vacation

” Laughter is an instant vacation”
–Merlin Berke

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Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday

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Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

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Manager: Sorry, but I can’t give you a job. I don’t need much help.
Job Applicant: That’s all right. In fact I’m just theright person in this case.

You will see, I won’t be of much help anyway!!

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Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

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Diner: I can’t eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it either.

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Diner: You’ll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don’t expect to walk there, do you?

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Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did , I still got mine with me!

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Man: Officer! There’s a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don’t worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.

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Father: Your teacher says she finds it
Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!

Does management know their staff?

On walking into the company, the CEO noticed a young guy leaning Against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, “How much do you earn?”

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, “I earn $2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?” Without answering, the CEO took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, “Around here I pay people
for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months’ salary, now GET OUT and don’t come back”.

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a Few onlookers, the CEO said in a very upset manner, “And that applies for everybody in this company”. He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, “Who ’s the young man that I just fired ?”. To which an amazing reply came of, “He was the pizza delivery man, Sir!”

New Way To Quit Smoking…

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While the Filtrim stop smoking solution minimizes the amount of nicotine and cancer-causing poisons you breathe, there is no change to your cigarette’s taste or satisfaction. Quitting smoking with Filtrim is safe because Filtrim simply reduces the amount of dangerous toxins you breathe, rather than adding or replacing chemicals. There are absolutely no side effects.

You can use Filtrim safely for as long as you need. Filtrim carries you through a gradual, four-step withdrawal process. By Stage Four, you will be virtually free of your nicotine addiction. You will then be able to give up cigarettes completely, for good!

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