Word Scramble

DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW

When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Birthdays

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning anyway.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday, And would probably have a present for me.

She didn’t even say Good Morning, Let alone any Happy Birthday. I thought, Well, that’s wives for you. Maybe the children will remember.

The children came in to breakfast and didn’t say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, Good morning boss, Happy Birthday!
So I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon.

Then Janet knocked on my door and said, You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside and it’s your birthday,
let’s go to lunch, just you and me. I said, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go.

We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go; We went out into the country to a little private place.
We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, You know, it’s such a beautiful day. We don’t need to go back to the office, do we??

I said, No, I guess not. She said, Let’s go to my apartment. After arriving at her apartment she said, Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.

Sure, I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, In about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, Followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends.

All were singing Happy Birthday And there on the couch I sat… Naked.

Contradictory Proverbs

Every Action has an equal and an opposite reaction. Similarly, every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb! There always exists two sides of the same coin.

You be the judge..

All good things come to those who wait.
BUT
Time and tide wait for no man.

The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.

Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.

The best things in life are free things..
BUT
There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

Slow and steady wins the race.
BUT
Time waits for no man.

Look before you leap.
BUT
Strike while the iron is hot.

Do it well, or not at all.
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.

Birds of a feather flock together.
BUT
Opposites attract.

Don’t cross your bridges before you come to them.
BUT
Forewarned is forearmed.

Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
BUT
Faith will move mountains.

Great starts make great finishes.
BUT
It ain’t over ’till it’s over.

Practice makes perfect.
BUT
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Silence is golden.
BUT
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

You’re never too old to learn.
BUT
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
BUT
One man’s food is another man’s poison.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
BUT
Out of sight, out of mind.

Too many cooks spoil the broth.
BUT
Many hands make light work.

Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat

Punctuation is powerful!

An English professor wrote the words : “A woman without her man is nothing” on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote : “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

All the females in the class wrote : “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

Punctuation is powerful

Donkey Equation

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy

Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work

In other words,
A Human that doesn’t know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++ ++
Equation 2

Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Man = Donkey + earn money

Therefore:
Man-earn money = Donkey

In other words
Man who doesn’t earn money = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
Equation 3

Woman= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman – spend = Donkey

In other words,
Woman who doesn’t spend = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Man who doesn’t earn money = Woman who doesn’t spend

So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!

So, We have:
Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together

Three Irish Brothers

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he, says, “everyone’s fine. I’ve just quit drinking.”

Brain Transplant

A man went in for a brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon.

He could choose either a teacher’s brain which would cost him $10,000 or a politician’s which would cost $100,000.

“Does that mean that the politician’s brain is much better than the teachers’s?” asked the clearly puzzled man.

“No, not exactly.” replied the surgeon, “The politician’s has never been used so it’s almost like new.”

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