Category Archives: Misc

Men are men (A day at Lamaze Class)

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.

The Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

“Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher. “Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room was very quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. “Yes?” asked the instructor. “Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

Umbrella Thief

A man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from work.

On the way to work in Bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him, got up and started walking.

The woman started yelled, “Umbrella thief, Umbrella thief.”

The embarrassed guy returned the umbrella and apologized, before getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers.

In the evening he picked up all his umbrellas repaired, put them under his arms and started walking towards home. Unfortunately the morning lady returning from work bumped into him.

The lady commented, “Seems, you had a profitable day at work today.”

Most Embarrasing Moments

Third Place

“It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled “SURPRISE!”.

My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there ! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.

Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again

Second Place

“While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn’t start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, “If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!”.

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter.

And the Winner is…

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year.

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, “If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?” “That’s correct.” responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?”.

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said(or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, and never returned.

However , as she was going out of the door, the professor’s reply was a classic. Totally straight- faced, he answered her question, “It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!

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How can Bill Gates go Bankrupt

1. Bill Gates earns US$250 every SECOND, that’s about US$20 Million a DAY and US$7.8 Billion a YEAR!

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2. If he drops a thousand dollar, he won’t even bother to pick it up bcoz the 4 seconds he picks it, he would’ve already earned it back.

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3. The US national debt is about 5.62 trillion, if Bill Gates were to pay the debt by himself; he will finish it in less then 10 years.

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4. He can donate US$15 to everyone on earth but still be left with US$5 Million for his pocket money.

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5. Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in US. If he doesn’t drink and eat, and keeps up his annual income i.e. US$30 Million, he’ll have to wait for 277 years to become as rich as Bill Gates is now.

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6. If Bill Gates was a country, he would be the 37th richest country on earth.

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7. If you change all of Bill Gate’s money to US$1 notes, you can make a road from earth to moon, 14 times back and forth. But you have to make that road non-stop for 1,400 years, and use a total of 713 BOEING 747 planes to transport all the money.

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8. Bill Gates is 40 this year. If we assume that he will live for another 35 years, he has to spend US$6.78 Million per day to finish all his money before he can go to heaven.

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Last but not the least: If Microsoft Windows’ users can claim US$1 for every time their computers hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will be bankrupt in 3 years !!!!!!!

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Situation Question: What would you do?

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your right side is a valley and on your left side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the horse and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Post your answers in the comments section. Be Creative!!

50 Years Later

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. “Then you use to bite my neck.

“Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going ?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

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