Category Archives: Misc

Smart Business Slogans!!

1) At an Optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

2) In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there hungry. Come on in and get fed up.”

3) In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”

4) On a Plumber’s Shop: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

5) On the trucks of a Plumbing Company: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call us.”

6) Pizza Shop Slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”

7) At a Tire Shop: “Invite us to your next blowout.”

8 ) On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”

9) At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

10) On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

11) In a Nonsmoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and put you out.”

12) On a Septic Tank Truck sign: “We’re #1 in the #2 business.”

13) On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”

14) At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet — miss a car payment.”

15) Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

16) At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don’t, you will be de-Lighted.”

17) In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Please drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

Satyam CEO at the Slumdog Millionaire show

slumdog

With Slumdog Millionaire proving to be ‘SlumGOD Millionaire’ for one and all associated with it, the ever-so-versatile cartoonist Morparia has come up with yet another winner of a cartoon. This time, the subject is the infamous Satyam scandal, which seems to be the hot favourite amongst all the critics and likes, the last one being that of Amul (‘Satyam, Sharam, Scandalam’).

This time, on the hot-seat is none other than the police chief and while the contestant’s chair is adorned by a Raju lookalike, in a show called ‘Jaildog Millionaire’. The question in question reads as ‘Where are the Satyam millions’? And the options for the answers are: ‘Swiss bank, Real estate, Stashed away, or with politicians.’ While the answers are anybody’s guess (or is it nobody’s guess?), Morparia is one man who really needs to be lauded and applauded for stripping the truth and bringing marvelous cartoon strips!

Blonde’s Year in Review

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

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February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..

Helllloooo!!!…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!

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March – Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….box said “2-4 years!”

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April – Trapped on escalator for hours….. power went out!!!

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May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions…. 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

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June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

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July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

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August – Got locked out of my car in rainstorm…..car swamped because soft-top was open.

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September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

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October – Hate M &M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

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November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.

Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

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December – Couldn’t call 911….”duh”…….. there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

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As clean as cold water can get it

A young man went to his grandfather’s place to stay for the weekend.

He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were
encrusted in a thin filmy substance.

He asked his grandfather,”Are you sure you washed it properly?”

“As clean as cold water can get it” was the reply.

So the young man shrugged and started eating.

The next day at breakfast he noticed that the plates were dirty and grimy.
It also smelled a bit like dog.

Are you sure you washed it properly?”

“Clean as cold water can get it” was the reply again.

The man, a bit suspicious for his health, looked at his grandfather, than at
his plate and started eating.

As he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog jumped out in front of him, growled
and generally blocked him from going forward.

“Cold water, leave the poor boy alone!” shouted the old man

A Message from wife!

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me. I was coming home from shopping, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

Iam really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

P.S. Your girlfriend called.
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Don’t worry about typo’s

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid! Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

Would you like to have your wallet stolen!

Be careful guys…

A ‘heads up’ warning for all men who may be regular Builders Warehouse customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.

Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two very hot 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and WindoLene

With their hot looking T-shirts, it is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ and instead ask you for a ride to another Builders Warehouse. You agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen July 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th.

Also August 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, & three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. In Burma Bazaar you could buy wallets for Rs 50 each…

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