Category Archives: Jokes

Unusual business idea on Portuguese travel market

As we all know more then 80% of information we receive through the eyes. If due to some reasons this channel is closed, then other organs of sense become much more sensible. We try to form a true notion of the world by using sense of touch, smell, hearing and taste. This well-known physiological fact was used to create a very special tourism product – sensorial walking tours in Lisbon, Portugal.

The tour presented by local travel agency Cabracega is called Sensorial Lisbon. Tourists get blindfolded and blind guides take them for a walk to Alfama district – the ancient part of the city. During the tour guide tells a story about Lisbon’s history and tourists carefully follow their feelings: catch the smell of fried sardines from street cafes, touch hot stone walls of ancient houses, taste local specialities in restaurant, lend an ear to a mysterious sounds of national song – fado etc.

Tour costs 120 EUR for 1.5 hour and you should order it in advance as groups are rather small – up to 10 persons. The idea is so innovative and tempting that these tours gained popularity not only among tourists, but also among local citizens. People enjoy unknown feelings and travel agency’s owners – growing profits!

Captain’s Welcome Address In-Flight

This is your captain Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of our Airlines.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather.

This is flight 717 to unsure Airport. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the country. And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Our Airlines has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!

It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to MEA Airlines, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know.

Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.”

“Thanking you all for choosing our Airlines to fly for the first and last time”

Wish You a nice trip,
Captain

Practical Approach

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

Husband: “Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my goodness!” You’re cooking too many at once.

Husband: TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.

Husband: Oh my! “WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK!”Careful … CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!

Husband: You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?”Have you LOST your mind?

Husband: Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.

Husband: Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”The wife stared at him.

Wife: “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving”

Men Lie with Good Intention…

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe.”Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. “Is this your axe?”the Lord asked.

“Yes”, he replied.

The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angelina Jolie.

“Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, “Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Angelina Jolie, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said ‘no’to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don’t want her to share me with anyone, so THAT’S why I said yes to Angelina Jolie.”

Condition of Pregnant Wife in Hospital

What’s the Condition ?

A Husband makes a Call to Hospital to enquire about his pregnant wife. But accidentally the call went to a cricket stadium.

He asked what is the condition.

He died after what he heard.

Guess What would be the reply ???

It is …

7 are already out.

3 More will be out hopefully by lunch.

and ………… ……… ……… …

The first one was a DUCK… 😉

Wrong Email Address !!!

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.

However he accidently typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,

Somewhere  a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her mail, expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I’ve just reached
Date: 13th oct 2006

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.

I’ve just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tommorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was;

Some Sweet Extremes

EXTREME OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

EXTREME OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.

EXTREME OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.

EXTREME OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.

EXTREME OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a ‘Send All.’

EXTREME OF ACHIEVEMENT:
A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.

EXTREME OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself.

EXTREME OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you by some one in the receiving chain.

EXTREME OF BROWSING:
You are swimming in the water tank and shout “F1 F1 F1?” instead of shouting “HELP” when u are unable to swim…

EXTREME OF MY FRIENDSHIP:
I always mail, u don’t.

EXTREME OF HAVING NO WORK:
You reading such mails.

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