Category Archives: Jokes

Before n After Marriage..it turns upside down

Before Marriage……..

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don’t even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get!

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling…!

—————————-

After Marriage……..

Simply read again from bottom to top

Arrested for laughing!

This is from an actual trial in the UK : A young woman who was several
months pregnant boarded a bus.

When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he
seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he
burst out laughing…… She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he
acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing
she was pregnant.. She sat under an advertisement, which read:
‘ComingSoon: The Gold Dust Twins’.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement,
which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she
sat under an advertisement, which read:
‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’

The case was dismissed!

Student Vs Professor

After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization “, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an “A” for the exam. “

Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”

Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal? “

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical .”

Why do Men Lie?

Why Men Lie – The Real Truth ….

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,

“Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe.
“Is this your axe?”the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.” The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”

The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes To keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.

One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter’s wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him,

“Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. “Is this your wife?” the Lord asked. “Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You cheat! That is a lie!!”

The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord.! It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Jennifer Lopez, You would come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also say ‘no’ to her, You would thirdly come up with my wife, And I would say ‘yes,’ and then all three will be given to me. But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three wives, so that’s why I said yes the first time.”

The moral of the story is whenever a man lies it is for an honorable reason. :)

With due apologies to my Telugu friends

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Vella Reddy an Indian (Hyderabadi ) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try’

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself ‘ I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?’ So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, ‘I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?’ So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo – Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word of Serbo – Croat but
what do I have to lose?’ So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo – Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.’

Calmly, Reddy turns to the other candidate and says ‘ellaa vunnavu babu’
The other candidate answers ‘baguunanu babu ‘

Train Story

A man and a woman who are strangers find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. They both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower.

In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I`m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?”

The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, “I have a better idea! Just for tonight, let’s pretend we’re married.”

The man is thrilled at the idea, so the woman says,

“Good…Now go get your own damn blanket!”

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