Category Archives: funny

Brain Game

Look at the words and say the COLOUR, not the word.

eg: for Blue you say “red” Easy, right? Wrong!!
Make sure you say every colour.
Trick your friends with this cool test.

Green Red Green

Red Purple Blue

Blue Red Orange

Purple Orange Green

Left – Right Conflict
Your Right Brain Tries To Say The Colour,
But Your Left Brain Insists On Reading The Word.

Poor Men Lament !!!

*Thought 1*

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from? *

*Thought 2*

The average man’s life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.*

*Thought 3*

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, ‘If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.’ The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, ‘Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.’ The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. ‘Who are you?’ ‘I am your guardian angel,’ the voice answered. ‘Oh, yeah?’ the man asked ‘And where the hell were you when I got married?’

This is the best!!!*

*Thought 4*

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom ; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced ‘Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life..’ Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, ‘My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.’

The whole audience including priest started laughing….

…… But not the poor groom!!!!

A Letter To Bill Gates

Dear Mr Bill Gates

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we
face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the ’shut down ‘ button.

3. There is a button ’start’ but there is no “stop” button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friend clicked ‘run ‘ has ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to “sit”, so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any ‘re-scooter’ available in system? As I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ‘ find’, but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my ‘mouse’ from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning ‘HEARTS’ (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect your money.

9. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when u will provide that?

10. Hey what is this, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad, but there is only one icon with ‘MY Computer’, what happened to the remaining?

11. There is not even single photo of mine in the ‘MY Pictures’.. when u will keep my photo in that.

12. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’

Thanking you,

Yours
Banta Singh

Answer these 2 Questions

Question 1

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she goes for an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A.

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologers. He’s had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C

He is a decorated war hero. He’s a vegetarian, doesn’t smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Lets give a shot and try deciding first…

Now if you have decided on your answers, scroll down for the response.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES . . .

. . . you just killed Beethoven – Great musician

Its A Very Simple Operation

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, “What’s the matter?”

He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.'”

“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”

“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!”

hospital

Compliment Machine On The Streets In Washington D.C. USA

You’re having a bad day. Your car wouldn’t start, so you got to work an hour late. Shortly after your arrival, you promptly spilled your caramel latte all over your new shirt. And by the way? It looks like your water-cooler nemesis got the promotion you were after.

Just when it seems like nothing can salvage this torrentially awful day, you’re walking down the street and hear someone say, “Hey, nice shoes!” Suddenly, all is right with the world.

compliment
Your savior isn’t some random fashionista — it’s actually the brand-new “Compliment Machine,” created as a public work of art by artist Tom Greaves. The machine is nothing more than an iPod Nano in a large red-and-white striped box that’s been hooked up to speakers at a busy intersection in Washington, D.C. Greaves loaded up the iPod with more than 150 random compliments, and every time someone passes by, they get a pleasant surprise.

Initially, Greaves considered recording some darker quotes to go along with the sweet ones. But he had a change of heart: “Why not make it completely positive? Everyone deserves to have a compliment paid to them,” he told The Washington Post.

Even the shady politicos and other black-hearted folks on the D.C. streets could learn a thing or two from the Compliment Machine, said Greaves. “Maybe if the compliment doesn’t apply to them, they’ll want to change that.”

Make Sure Before you Utter

Make sure
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, and then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

 

Double the insult
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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