Category Archives: funny

I thought it is inspirational.. You think it is Funny !

Here’s some things to ponder on that concerns life in general….

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

11. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

12. Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

13. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

15. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

Interesting Management Lessons

Lesson Number 1:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

>>Management Learning:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number 2:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

>>Management Learning:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson Number 3:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat  discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

>>Management Learning:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Never start a conversation at the restroom!

no_toilet_paper_123675
This could happen to you.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: ‘Hi, how are you?’

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,

‘Doin’ just fine!’

And the other person says:

‘So what are you up to?’

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say:

‘Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!’

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

‘Can I come over?’

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
‘No…….I’m a little busy right now!!!’

Then I hear the person say nervously…

‘Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.

Might help to have a transparent toilet

Share us your embarrassing moments of this kind in comments.

A Zorse is a Horse – of Course

What happens when you cross a zebra with a horse? The result isn’t really a horse, it’s a zorse, of course! Meet Eclyse — a zebra / horse hybrid, born on a ranch in Germany. Not part from any fabled Frankenstein style story or science experiment gone bad — she’s the product of a holiday romance in designer breeding. Might make you think twice before dashing away on that little rendezvous yourself.

zorse_horse_zebra

Typically, most zorses have stripes across their entire body, but Eclyse has only two blocks of stripes — on her face and her hind quarters.

Eclyse inherits her pure white markings from her mother, a horse named Eclipse. Eclipse’s owners sent her to a ranch in Italy for breeding, where she met a rugged, handsome young zebra named Ulysses.

One thing led to another as rendezvous’ often do. When she returned home to Germany, Eclipse surprised her keepers by producing a little half-horse, half-zebra with extraordinarily unusual markings.

Ranch spokesman Udo Richter commented: “You can tell she is a mix just by looking at her. But in temperament she can also exhibit characteristics from each parent.” reports Metro.

“She is usually relatively tame like a horse but occasionally shows the fiery temperament of a zebra, leaping around like one.”

A Dog Story

manjaly__dogCouple was going out for the evening. They’d gotten ready, all dolled-up , dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don’t want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, “He’s just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. “Sorry I took so long” he says. “Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her arse downstairs and tossed her out in the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!”

The silence in the cab was deafening.

TV Remote

“Cash, check or charge?” the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
remote

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” the cashier asked.

“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

Hilarious Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008 and continuing it in 2009   also.

Because of your kindness:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that   it’s good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer…

* I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other   place and sometimes I even have to walk about  7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I  get a phone bill  with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and   Tokyo.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.

* When I go to parties, I don’t look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.. (Poor girl! she’s been 7 since 1993…)

* Still open to help somebody from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle’s property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy.

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