Category Archives: funny

A Gorilla Job!


This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo.

As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.

They tell this guy that they’ll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts,

But Hey!

He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn’t so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.


During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He’s terrified and starts screaming, “Help, Help, Help!”

The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, “Shut up or we’ll BOTH lose our jobs!”

Distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”

Distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”

Medical Distinctions

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below…

GUTS – is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS – is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking , there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

Poetic Resignations

The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig

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The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don’t know if I should stay.

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To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say

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My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don’t know if I should stay.

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The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age

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This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

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The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate

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Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don’t know if I should stay!

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The managers don’t know what they talk
The team doesn’t know where they walk

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That’s a bad situation, what say?
I don’t know if I should stay.

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I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace

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I can’t keep switching day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

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The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess

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No more will I walk their way,
It’s all done, I won’t stay.

Perks of Being over 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run–anywhere.

4. People call at 9pm and ask, ” Did I wake you ????”

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. Forward this to every one you can remember

Men Vs Women

Difference between men and women

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

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3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

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4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

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5. There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman- before and after marriage.

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6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

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7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

Does management know their staff?

On walking into the company, the CEO noticed a young guy leaning Against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, “How much do you earn?”

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, “I earn $2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?” Without answering, the CEO took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, “Around here I pay people
for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months’ salary, now GET OUT and don’t come back”.

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a Few onlookers, the CEO said in a very upset manner, “And that applies for everybody in this company”. He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, “Who ’s the young man that I just fired ?”. To which an amazing reply came of, “He was the pizza delivery man, Sir!”

Project Managers…

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs10,000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living?

Are you a weight-lifter, or what?”
“No,” replied the man.

”I work as a project manager in a software company !! “

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