Category Archives: funny

Generation Y

Why the Y Generation

Hmm, I’ve always wondered about this myself. Now I know.

– The Silent generation, people born before 1946.

– The Baby Boomers, people born between 1946 and 1963.

– Generation X, people born between 1964 and 1979.

– Generation Y, people born between 1980 and 1995.

Why do we call the last one generation Y? I did not know, but a caricaturist explains it eloquently below…Learned something new!

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Asking for a pay rise

One day an employee emails his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately.

I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon

Your$ $incerely
Norman $oh
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And this is the response he gets.
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Dear NOrman

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet

NOw the newspapers are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean

Yours truly
Manager

Stay away from the Donkey!

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.

The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas… The Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL:
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll live longer.

Men are better friends

Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend’s apartment overnight.

The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.

Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend’s apartment overnight.

So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!

Conclusion : Men are better friends

NEVER TICK OFF A NURSE

Carnation

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around
just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to
have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came
into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.”
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,
crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

“No, I’m sorry,” the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I can’t
use an oral thermometer.” This started another round of
complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her
announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT
until I get back!”

She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under
his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.

After a half hour, the man’s doctor came into the room.

“What’s going on here?” asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, “W hat’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you
ever seen someone having their temperature taken?”

After a pause, the doctor confessed…..

“Not with a carnation.”

12 Ways To Get Rid Of A Telemarketer

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?”

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2. If you get one of those pushy people who won’t shut up, just listen to their sales pitch.

When they try to close the sale, tell them that you’ll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever.

See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card.

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3. If they start out with, “How are you today?”

say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died….”

When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.

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4. If the person says he’s Joe Doe from the ABC Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located.

Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long as necessary.

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5. This one works better if you are male:

Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Julie and I’m with Dodger & Peck Services….
You: “Hang on a second.” (few seconds pause) “Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?”

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6. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise,

“Julie!! Is this really you? I can’t believe it! Julie, how have you BEEN?”

Hopefully, this will give Julie a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

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7. Say, “No,” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they’re trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

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8. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster,

“I don’t have any friends…would you be my friend?”

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9. If they clean rugs: “Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood – chicken blood too?”

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10. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional “Uh-huh, really, or, “That’s fascinating.”

Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn’t give your credit card number to someone who’s a complete stranger.

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11. Tell them you work for the same company they work for.

Example:

Telemarketer: “This is Bill from Widget & Associates.”

You: “Widget & Associates!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?”

Telemarketer: “Uh, Dallas, Texas.”

You: “Great, they have a group there too? How’s business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya.”

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12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back.

If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers).

If the person says, “Well, I don’t really want to get a call at home,” say,

“Yeah! Now you know how I feel.” (smiling, of course…)

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