Category Archives: funny

You Gotta Spell A Word

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.

They saw her and began calling greetings to her, “Hello – How are you! We’ve been waiting for you! Good to see you.”

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, “This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?”
“You have to spell a word,” Saint Peter told her.

“Which word?” the woman asked.

“Love.”

The woman correctly spelled “Love” and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

“I’m surprised to see you,” the woman said. “How have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve been doing pretty well since you died,” her husband told her. “I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today.

I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?”

“You have to spell a word,” the woman told him.

“Which word?” her husband asked.

“Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis” , she replied.

Moral: Never make a woman angry . . . there will be Hell to pay!

N.B: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the supposed lung disease pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).

Who Says Men Don’t Remember Anniversaries

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

“What’s the matter,dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “Why are you down here at this time of night?”.

The husband looks up, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes,I do” she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my carmaking love?”
“Yes, I remember” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues…

“Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'”

“I remember that too” she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says…

“I would have gotten out today!!!!”

Just for Laughs…

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
“Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: “Husband Wanted”. The next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying.”

A young son asked, “Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad replied, “That happens everywhere, son.”

Then there was a woman who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.”

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say without single interruption.. just talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it wasn’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy remarks, “You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive.”

A Woman’s Prayer .. Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, love to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll just beat him to death.

Why Is Indian Hell Better?

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes first to the German hell and asks “What do they do here?” He is told “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks “What do they do here?”

He is told “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.” “But that is exactly
the same as all the other hells – why are there so many people waiting to get in?

“Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil was a software engg, so he swipes the card, comes in, checks his mails and then goes to the cafeteria…”

Identify the Twins

1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?

Good Luck!!!!

chinese

Leave your answer as comments 😉

Choosing the Right Job Applicant

Two young men with equal qualifications apply for the same job. In order to determine which individual to hire, the manager gives them a written test. Both men score nine out of 10 on the test; however, the manager decides to go with the first applicant.

“Why would you do that?” asks the rejected second applicant. “We both got nine questions correct.

“Your fellow applicant wrote ‘I don’t know’ for question five. You wrote, ‘Neither do I.'”

Most Expensive Piece Of Art Ever Created!!!

skull

This piece of art, entitled “For the Love of God”, was created by Damien Hirst and will be on display at White Cube Mason’s Yard. It’s a skull made out of platinum, diamonds, and human teeth. The total thing has 8,601 diamonds and comes in at 1,106.18 carats. It’s the most expensive piece of art ever created, costing between $16 and $20 million to make, and $99 million to buy.

Who said Skulls are scary ??

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