Category Archives: cool

Self Appraisal

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone number).

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy : “Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

Woman : (at the other end of the phone line) ” I already have someone to cut my lawn.”

Boy : “Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now.”

Woman : I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.

Boy : (with more perseverance) “Lady, I’ll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so, on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida .”

Woman : No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner : “Son… I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.”

Boy : “No thanks,

Store Owner : But you were really pleading for one.

Boy : No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!”

This is what we call

“Self Appraisal”

And We thought Equations are Mathematical ..

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
If, Human – enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,
Human that don’t know enjoy = Donkey that work

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money
If Men – earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don’t earn money = Donkeys

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend
If, Women – spend = Donkeys
In other words,
Women that don’t spend = Donkeys

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
To Conclude:
* Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!
* Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!
* Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys!
** And the Donkeys lived happily ever after!

Online Chatting

Here is something interesting…

Our FRIEND(Hero) WAS chatting with a female – Online chat.
Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC’s

Hero : Hey…GM (Good Morning)… How’s u doing today?

Female: VGM…Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero : wow…am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep…me too feel the same…Brb (be right back)’ll get some Coffee.

Hero : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero : I would do that, but I think it’s quite hard, is it ok with you,
if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window…)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, She’s kinda….. keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Female: Yeah, it’s the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero : Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it’s real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero : hey, that’s a one-hour’s work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT…. YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

What If We Lived Life Backwards??

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you’re too young to work.

You get ready for high school: drink alcohol, party, and you’regenerally promiscuous.

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.

Then you become a baby, and then…

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions – central heating, room service on tap…

The highest position in the World

Do you know who is in the highest position in the World?

President Barack Obama?

NO!

UN Secretary General?

NO

Pope Benedict?

NO!

Wonder No Longer…

babu-crane-operator

Babu Sassi, a fearless young man from southern India is the cult hero of Dubai ‘s army of construction workers.

Known as the “Indian on the top of the world”, Babu is the crane operator at the world’s tallest building , the 819-meter Burj Dubai. His office, the cramped crane cab perched on top of the Burj, is also his home. Apparently it takes too long to come down to the ground each day to make it worthwhile.  When the building is completed, its elevators will be the world’s fastest.  

Stories about his daily dalliance with death are discussed in revered terms by Dubai ‘s workers. Some say he has been up there for more than a year, others whisper that he’s paid 30,000 dirhams ($8,168) a month compared with the average wage of 800 dirhams a month. All agree he’s worth it.

Strange Yet True Facts

:- A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn’t give her coffee.

:- A shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water.

:- A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

:- Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.

:- The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.

:- A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.

:- A person cannot taste food unless it is mixed with saliva. For example, if a strong-tasting substance like salt is placed on a dry tongue, the taste buds will not be able to taste it. As soon as a drop of saliva is added and the salt is dissolved, however, a definite taste sensation results. This is true for all foods. Try it!

:- A male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth up to 7 miles away.

:- George Washington grew marijuana in his garden.

:- A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!

:- Every person has a unique tongue print.

:- Einstein couldn’t speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.

:- On an average, 12 newborns are given to the wrong parents daily.

:- Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate effects a dogs heart and nervous system, a few ounces enough to kill a small sized dog.

:- Money isn’t made out of paper, it’s made out of cotton. Before the 1950’s, it was made from the stem and leaves of a marijuana plant.

:- Most lipstick contains fish scales.

:- Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark’s stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

:- Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.

:- Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

:- Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.

:- The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

:- Upper and lower case letters are named ‘upper’ and ‘lower’, because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the ‘upper case’ letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, ‘lower case’ letters.

:- There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

:- There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

:- Leonardo Da Vinci took 10 years to paint Mona Lisa’s lips.

:- Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves.

:- Bubble gum contains rubber.

:- Human birth control pills work on gorillas.

:- Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

:- Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

:- Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.

How to Safeguard your Ferrari when you are away

An Businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going out of country on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Businessman hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the guy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,

“Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,  but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000” ?

The Businessman replies: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'”

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