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Jon Stewart owns CNBC and Santelli

Looks like Jon Stewart shares my contempt for the inane talking heads on these business shows. The only show that makes any sense to me is the Dave Ramsey show on Fox Business Shows. I tuned in to it to see Dave Ramsey as I had read about him on a few blogs and he seems to be the only sane guy around. Sober calm advice with none of the hysteria or euphoria.

Here’s Jon Stewart’s takedown !!

Marriage – A divine relationship

If you’re not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it. An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.” Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs.

Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you’ve got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can’t take someone to the altar to alter him or her.

You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life”, you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, need iness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving! , health y, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong? Sharing common goals and interests. Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges, a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note. Leave a nice message on the voice mail or send a nice email.

Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interests. You can’t always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don’t try to control one another. Learn each other’s family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don’t put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replaces the passion.

The difference between ‘United’ and ‘Untied’ is where you put the I.

(Beer) Investment Advice

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49.00 left. With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 cash. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It’s called the 401-Keg Plan.

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon. Makes You Proud To Be An American doesn’t it!

Kids are quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘I.’
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

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