Author Archives: pradeep

Words Women Use

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so it’s an even trade.

Nothing

This means “something”, and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. ‘Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with ‘Fine’

Go Ahead

At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Go Ahead (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (Neutral Expression)

This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care” You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”

Soft Sigh

Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

That’s Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow.

Please Do

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”

Thanks

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot

This is much different from “Thanks.” A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh.” Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh,” as she will only tell you “Nothing”

Ten things God won’t ask

1…God won’t ask what kind of car you drove;
He’ll ask how many people you drove who didn’t have transportation.

2…God won’t ask the square footage of your house,
He’ll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

3…God won’t ask about the clothes you had in your closet,
He’ll ask how many you helped to clothe.

4…God won’t ask what your highest salary was,
He’ll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

5…God won’t ask what your job title was,
He’ll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

6…God won’t ask how many friends you had,
He’ll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

7…God won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived,
He’ll ask how you treated your neighbors.

8…God won’t ask about the color of your skin,
He’ll ask about the content of your character.

9…God won’t ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation,
He’ll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

10…God won’t ask how many people you forwarded this to,
He’ll ask if you were ashamed to pass it on to your friends.

Read Carefully

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

More Simple Questions To Test You Out!

Try answering these questions – I could answer just seven of them.

1. What programming language is GOOGLE developed in?

2. What is the expansion of YAHOO?

3. What is the expansion of ADIDAS?

4. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?

5. What is expansion of “ICICI?”

6. What does “baker’s dozen” signify?

7. The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot- India 210/3 with Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why?

8. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two different countries?

9. From what four word ex-pression does the word `goodbye` derive?

10. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?

11. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th?

12. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007?

13. Who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match?

14. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from international cricket and later represented Zimbabwe?

15. The faces of which four Presidents are carved at Mt.Rushmore?

16. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only one country (other than Vatican)?

17. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed?

Answers

1. Google is written in Asynchronous java-script and XML, or its acronym Ajax.

2. Yet Another Hierarchy of Officious Oracle

3. ADIDAS- All Day I Dream About Sports

4. Satellite Television Asian Region

5. Industrial credit and Investments Corporation of India

6. A baker’s dozen consists of 13 items – 1 more than the items in a normal dozen

7. That match was abandoned after ppl heard the news of indira gandhi being killed.

8. Rabindranath Tagore who wrote national anthem for two different countries one is our ‘s National anthem and another one is for Bangladesh-(Amar Sonar Bangla)

9. Goodbye comes from the ex-pression: ‘god be with you’.

10. Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu is none other Mother Teresa.

11. South Korea.

12. Because 007 is the ISD code for Russia (or the USSR, as it was known during the cold war)

13. Geoffrey Boycott

14. John Traicos

15. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln

16. Lesotho surrounded from all sides by South Africa.

17. Polo.

How many did you get right?

A Letter To Bill Gates

Dear Mr Bill Gates

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we
face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the ’shut down ‘ button.

3. There is a button ’start’ but there is no “stop” button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friend clicked ‘run ‘ has ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to “sit”, so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any ‘re-scooter’ available in system? As I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ‘ find’, but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my ‘mouse’ from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning ‘HEARTS’ (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect your money.

9. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when u will provide that?

10. Hey what is this, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad, but there is only one icon with ‘MY Computer’, what happened to the remaining?

11. There is not even single photo of mine in the ‘MY Pictures’.. when u will keep my photo in that.

12. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’

Thanking you,

Yours
Banta Singh

Simple Thinking

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board:
“Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.

His answer consisted of two words: “Which chair?”

One of the Best Mails ever read

The train has started moving. It is packed with people of all ages, mostly with the working men and women and young college guys and gals. Near the window, seated a old man with his 30 year old son. As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled with the scenery outside..

” See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful”

This behavior from a thirty year old son made the other people feel strange about him. Every one started murmuring something or other about this son.”This guy seems to be a krack..” newly married Anup whispered to his wife.

Suddenly it started raining… Rain drops fell on the travelers through the opened window. The Thirty year old son , filled with  joy ” see dad, how beautiful the rain is ..”

Anup’s wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.

Anup ,” cant you see its raining, you old man, if ur son is not feeling well get him soon to a mental asylum..and dont disturb public henceforth”

The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied ” we are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning , he was a blind by birth, last week only he got his vision,  these rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused…”

The things we see may be right from our perspective until we know the truth. But when we know the truth our reaction to that will hurt even us. So try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action.

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