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10 Laws Of Computing

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you’d least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human…to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.

7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.

8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

9. A complex system that doesn’t work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

10 things you never knew about chocolate

10. The Aztecs drunk it

Chocolate was originally a cold drink whisked from cocoa beans by the Aztecs – and women were not allowed to drink it.

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9. It was more valuable than gold

When Cortes conquered the Aztecs in 1520, he found that cocoa beans were prized higher than gold.

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8. It was named in the 17th century

The word ‘chocolate’ was first recorded in English use in 1604.

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7. It helped found the British Museum

The British Museum owes its very existence to chocolate. It was based on the personal collection of Hans Soane, who invented milk chocolate.

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6. Chocolate bar an English invention

The bar of chocolate was invented by JS Fry and Sons of Bristol in 1847.

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5. Expensive egg

Last year’s most expensive chocolate egg was encrusted with more than 100 diamonds and made for La Maison du Chocolat with a £50,000 prize tag.

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4. Royal approval

On New Year’s Day 1900, Queen Victoria sent 100,000 boxes of chocolates as a personal gift to soldiers fighting in the Boer War.

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3. Brits can’t get enough of it

The average person living in the UK – man, woman or child – spends over £1 a week on chocolate.

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2. The King loved it!

The last food Elvis Presley ate comprised four scoops of ice cream and six chocolate chip cookies.

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1. Egg-cellent selection

Woolworths is this year selling 170 varieties of chocolate Easter egg.

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Pregnant at 67?

A woman went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.

After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

“What’s the matter with you?” the older doctor demanded.

“Mrs. Terry is 67 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant!?”

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,

“Does she still have the hiccups?”

Spread the Stupidity

Spread the Stupidity

Only in America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America …..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ……do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ……….do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

Only in America …..do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER …
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Loyal Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!” She had a box her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I’m an honest loyal wife, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”

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