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Last day of kindergarten

On the last day of kindergarden,all the children Bought presents for their teacher.

The florist’s son Handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said,

“I bet I know what it is-its some flower!”

“That’s right !”shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher A gift she held it up,shook it and said,

“I bet I know what it is –it’s a box of candy !”

“That’s right !”shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from liquor store owner’s son. The teacher, Held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop With her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine ?” she asked.

“No,”the boy answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

“Is it champagne ?” she asked.

“No,”the boy answered.

Finally,the teacher said,

“I give up,what is it ?”

The boy replied, “A puppy.”

Buying a new BMW at 40

A man in his 40’s bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
“There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further.

The needle hit 90, 100…. then the reality of the situation hit him. “What the heck am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it’s Friday the 13th.

I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks for a second and says,

“Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

Fortune Cookie

Three armed robbers eating at a Chinese Buffet came across three bins of fortune cookies labeled Cookie#1, Cookie#2, & Cookie#3

The sign said that 2 of the three cookies would be a ‘good’ fortune & 1 of the cookie’s fortune would be twice as good as the others. Each guy picked a different cookie.

The guy who got Cookie #1’s fortune said, “You will recieve 1000 tax free dollars at 5 PM tomorrow.”

The guy who got Cookie#2’s fortune said, “”You will recieve 1000 tax free dollars at 5 PM tomorrow.”

The guy who got Cookie#3’s fortune said,…. “Rob those two other guys at 5:01 PM tomorrow.”

I am hurt all over!!

A young woman said to her doctor, ‘You have to help me, I hurt all over!’

‘What do you mean?’ said the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,’Ow, that hurts.’

Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, ‘Ouch! That hurts, too.’

Then she touched her right earlobe. ‘Ow, even THAT hurts!’

The doctor asked the woman, ‘Are you a natural blonde?’

‘Why yes,’ she said.

‘I thought so,’ said the doctor. ‘You have a sprained finger.’

What Can An Elevator Do?

A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.

The father and son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.

“What’s that Paw?” The boy asked.

“I ain’t never did see nothin’ like that in my life” Replied the father.

Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.

The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.

They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.

The father looks at his son and says “Go get your Maw !”

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