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Train Story

A man and a woman who are strangers find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. They both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower.

In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I`m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?”

The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, “I have a better idea! Just for tonight, let’s pretend we’re married.”

The man is thrilled at the idea, so the woman says,

“Good…Now go get your own damn blanket!”

Excel Freaky

Just follow the instructions below and see the Difference

The person who must have done this must be an Excel freak…….his art work is worth looking!!!!

To see his work of art, please do the following:

1. Open the file village.xls
2. Select all cells (or press CTRL+A )
3. Go to format, row, and height & insert 15.33
4. Go to format, column, and width & insert 2.4
5. Admire the result. Absolutely Brilliant!!!! ( click the sheet to see the actual colors)

Funny Telegrams!!

TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,
which the father receives as:

“Father, your daughter has been successful in BED.”

TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife :
“I wish you were here.”

The message received by wife: “I wish you were her.”

TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the line, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband

which reached as: “Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady.”

TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says:

let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.

The salesman asks “how do you want me to put it?” The man says, Well put

“You are not getting older”, at the top and “You are getting better” at the bottom.

The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched
the message decorated on the cake:

“You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom”

21 Wise sayings

21 Wise Sayings1. The best way to get even is to forget…

2. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.

3. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts…

4. Some folks wear their halos much too tight…

5. Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to be maintained on earth…

6. Unless you can create the WHOLE universe in 5 days, then perhaps giving “advice” to God, isn’t such a good idea.

7. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up…

8. Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous. You will get knocked down by the traffic from both ways.

9. Words are windows to the heart.

10. A skeptic is a person who when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it’s a forgery.

11. It isn’t difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill, just add a little dirt.

12. A successful marriage isn’t finding the right person-it’s being the right person.

13. The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.

14. Too many people offer God prayers with claw marks all over them.

15. The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can’t hold it.

16. To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.

17. You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead and Elvis is alive.

18. It’s all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

19. You’ll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck…

20. If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.

21. And last but not least — God gave the angels Wings, and He gave humans CHOCOLATE!!!!!

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