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Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a research fellow at the other end.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”

24. Pessimist :– A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails!

Why do Men Lie?

Why Men Lie – The Real Truth ….

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,

“Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe.
“Is this your axe?”the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.” The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”

The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes To keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.

One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter’s wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him,

“Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. “Is this your wife?” the Lord asked. “Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You cheat! That is a lie!!”

The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord.! It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Jennifer Lopez, You would come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also say ‘no’ to her, You would thirdly come up with my wife, And I would say ‘yes,’ and then all three will be given to me. But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three wives, so that’s why I said yes the first time.”

The moral of the story is whenever a man lies it is for an honorable reason. :)

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