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Life after death

BOSS said to an employee: “Do you believe in life after Death?

EMPLOYEE : “Certainly not! There ‘s no proof of it”, he replied.

BOSS : “Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle’s funeral,

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He came here looking for you.!”

Effects of Mallu Blood

An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally.

So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a malayalee in Kerala was located who had a similar type of blood. The mallu willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the mallu as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Toyota Prado, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the mallu who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the mallu a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets.

The mallu was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the mallu’s kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him that this time also I thought that you would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery….. But you gave only a thank you card and a jar of Almond sweets.

On this the Arab replied “mone…..now I have mallu blood in my veins!”

Miscommunication

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don’t have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.

So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.

Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don’t always come out the way you want them to……..

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2009 F1 in India?

He is often called the Richard Branson of Bangalore, he wears bracelets, earrings, sunglasses and dyes his hair and beard. He also has a genuine and longstanding love of motor racing, and that is why India’s most colorful billionaire investor, executive and entrepreneur Vijay Mallaya finalized a deal this month to buy the Spyker Formula One team for €88 million from the Dutch car company.

There is also been rumors that he would be teaming-up with Naren Karthikeyan

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The Teams logo would probably look like the one on Mallaya’s hat

Complete Story

Life in a Jar

A professor stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

“The golf balls are the important things – your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

“The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.

“The sand is everything else–the small stuff.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

“The same goes for life.
“If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children.

“Take time to get medical checkups.

“Take your partner out to dinner.

“Play another 18.

“There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

“Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.

“Set your priorities.

“The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.

“It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.”

An Italian girl

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”

The husband laughs and says: “An Italian girl !!!” The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Very good, thank you.” “And, what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” She asked.

“The one I asked for – an Italian girl!!”

“Oh, that” she said “Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!”

More Sardar Jokes

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Interviewer: Which year?
Sardar: EVERY YEAR

Manager asked Sardar at an interview, Can you spell a word that has more
than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, Sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, “Gandi was a great man, but I don’t know who is Jayanthi.

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it’s one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked.
Then he cut it’s second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked.
Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it’s fourth leg and ordered it walk!
But cockroach didn’t walk. Suddenly Sardar said loudly, “I found it. If we cut cockroach’s four legs, it becomes deaf.

When Sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.
Sardar shouted, “You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Sardar went to a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Sardar pointed towards the board “WASH BASIN”

Interviewer: just imagine you are in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

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