Author Archives: mysqld

Exercising – Funny

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she’s 97 years old and we don’t know where the hell she is.

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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

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The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

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I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

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If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

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Smart Business Slogans!!

1) At an Optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

2) In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there hungry. Come on in and get fed up.”

3) In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”

4) On a Plumber’s Shop: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

5) On the trucks of a Plumbing Company: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call us.”

6) Pizza Shop Slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”

7) At a Tire Shop: “Invite us to your next blowout.”

8 ) On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”

9) At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

10) On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

11) In a Nonsmoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and put you out.”

12) On a Septic Tank Truck sign: “We’re #1 in the #2 business.”

13) On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”

14) At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet — miss a car payment.”

15) Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

16) At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don’t, you will be de-Lighted.”

17) In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Please drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

Satyam CEO at the Slumdog Millionaire show

slumdog

With Slumdog Millionaire proving to be ‘SlumGOD Millionaire’ for one and all associated with it, the ever-so-versatile cartoonist Morparia has come up with yet another winner of a cartoon. This time, the subject is the infamous Satyam scandal, which seems to be the hot favourite amongst all the critics and likes, the last one being that of Amul (‘Satyam, Sharam, Scandalam’).

This time, on the hot-seat is none other than the police chief and while the contestant’s chair is adorned by a Raju lookalike, in a show called ‘Jaildog Millionaire’. The question in question reads as ‘Where are the Satyam millions’? And the options for the answers are: ‘Swiss bank, Real estate, Stashed away, or with politicians.’ While the answers are anybody’s guess (or is it nobody’s guess?), Morparia is one man who really needs to be lauded and applauded for stripping the truth and bringing marvelous cartoon strips!

Blonde’s Year in Review

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

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February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..

Helllloooo!!!…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!

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March – Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….box said “2-4 years!”

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April – Trapped on escalator for hours….. power went out!!!

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May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions…. 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

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June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

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July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

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August – Got locked out of my car in rainstorm…..car swamped because soft-top was open.

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September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

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October – Hate M &M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

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November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.

Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

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December – Couldn’t call 911….”duh”…….. there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

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