There were three generals, one Chinese, an Iraqi, and a Turk. They were bragging about how good each of their armies were.
The Chinaman said, “My army would kill themselves for their country!”
Then he put a platoon in a little room and told them, “When this feather hits the floor I want all of you to shoot yourselves!”
He then went outside the room and five seconds later there were numerous gunshots and everyone in the room was dead.
Next came the Turkish General and he said the same thing to one of his platoons. About seven seconds later they heard gunshots and once again everyone was dead.
Finally came the Iraqi and he did the same to his platoon. Several seconds past and there were no gunshots. They decided to wait a little longer. Then several more seconds past and still no gunshots.
Finally they went in and the whole Iraqi platoon was on the floor blowing under the feather to keep it up.
Part of the Miniatur Wunderland is pictured here
A pair of twin brothers, Gerrit Braun and Frederik Braun, have spent nine years painstakingly putting together the world’s biggest train set in Hamburg, Germany – it spans an astonishing 1,150sqm and has almost six miles of track.
The mammoth set features detailed models of some of the world’s most famous landmarks, from the mountains of Switzerland to the hotels and casinos of Las Vegas. The ‘Miniatur Wunderland’ has six regions including America, Switzerland, Scandinavia, Germany and the Austrian Alps.
A man is quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
“What was that for?” he exclaims.
“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Jenny written on it”, she replies.
“Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Jenny was the name of one of the horses I bet on”, he explains. She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house.
Three days later he is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asks why she had hit again.
Wife replies. “Your horse phoned”.
young man is in a tour bus with many seniors when he is tapped on his shoulder by an old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 10 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he can’t stand the curiosity anymore and asks the little old lady, “why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?”.
“We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth”, she replied.
The puzzled young man asks, “Why do you buy them then?”
The old lady replied, “We just love the chocolate around them.”
Won’t be a good idea to park here for too long
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”
The applicant said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years – say, a red Corvette?”
The applicant sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”
New sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without
leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
As we all know more then 80% of information we receive through the eyes. If due to some reasons this channel is closed, then other organs of sense become much more sensible. We try to form a true notion of the world by using sense of touch, smell, hearing and taste. This well-known physiological fact was used to create a very special tourism product – sensorial walking tours in Lisbon, Portugal.
The tour presented by local travel agency Cabracega is called Sensorial Lisbon. Tourists get blindfolded and blind guides take them for a walk to Alfama district – the ancient part of the city. During the tour guide tells a story about Lisbon’s history and tourists carefully follow their feelings: catch the smell of fried sardines from street cafes, touch hot stone walls of ancient houses, taste local specialities in restaurant, lend an ear to a mysterious sounds of national song – fado etc.
Tour costs 120 EUR for 1.5 hour and you should order it in advance as groups are rather small – up to 10 persons. The idea is so innovative and tempting that these tours gained popularity not only among tourists, but also among local citizens. People enjoy unknown feelings and travel agency’s owners – growing profits!