Author Archives: Krithi

Ready To Marry, Think Twice???

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

———–

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

————-

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

———

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

————–

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

———–

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?

—————–

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

————

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

————-

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”

—————

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”

——————

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”

—————

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.

———————

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…

————-

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

—————

Love…….In Mental Hospital !!

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him.

She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound judgement that you have a sound mind.

The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathro be belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”

Edna replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?

Art Masterpieces in Vegetables

Chinese artist Ju Duoqi puts a whole new meaning to ‘playing with your food,’ transforming ordinary vegetables into veggie replicas of legendary works of art by masters such as Vincent van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Leonardo da Vinci, and Andy Warhol’s Marylin Monroe.

Ju Duoqi’s kitchen is her studio, and vegetables are her paint. The 35-year-old artist uses boiled, dried, fried, and pickled vegetables, finishing with the fastest-rotting ingredients to create her masterpiece versions made entirely out of vegetables.

Her art breathes new life into ordinary vegetables, taking ‘green art’ to the extreme using everyday vegetables such as tofu, cabbage, ginger, lotus roots, coriander, and sweet potatoes.

Lumpy potatoes acquire expressive facial features, and radish roots, lettuce leaves, and cloves of garlic are transformed into Botticelli’s Venus.

Sichuan-born Ju carefully slices and carves the veggies, and then assembles her works with toothpicks, taking up to 2 weeks to complete a single recreation of some of the world’s most famous works in photographs.

The former website and computer game designer turned artist has been creating about 2 vegetable sculptures a month since 2006.

“You wouldn’t know them any better if they were chopped into French fries and covered in ketchup, but when placed in the picture, they all appear unfamiliar and rich in facial expression.”

“On the ground lies the body of a winter melon soldier, with rotting ketchup flowing out of his body like blood. The battleground is strewn with rotting vegetable leaves. This great story of history, this world-famous painting, here becomes completely absurd.”

These ’simple techniques’ pay Ju’s bills, as photos taken of the culinary masterpieces go for between $1,500 to $2,000 US each.

Her works which also include replicas of famous pieces such as Monet’s self-portrait and Leonardo’s Mona Lisa created with tofu are currently showcased at the Paris-Beijing Photo Gallery for ‘The Vegetable Museum’ exhibition.

Her organic version of Andy Warhol’s Marilyn Munroe fashioned from cabbage and a spring onion sold within a few hours of the exhibition’s launch to a foreign buyer, hungry for what could be called ‘crop art.’

Think out of the Square

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them
instantly. You can’t take your time, answer all of them immediately.OK?

Let’s find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?(scroll down for answer)
.
.
.
.
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question. To answer the second question, don’t take as much time as you took for the first question.
.
.
.
Second Question:
.
If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
.
You’re not very good at this! Are you?
.
.
.
.
Third Question:

Very tricky math!

Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000. Now add 10.

What is the total?
.
.
.
Scroll down for answer.
.
.
.
Did you get 5000?
.
The correct answer is actually 4100.
.
Don’t believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day.

Maybe you will get the last question right?
.
.
Fourth Question:
.
Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. (observe the pattern of letters)
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
.
.
.
.
Answer: Nunu?
.
NO! Of course not.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again

Okay, now the bonus round:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one’s teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses! , how should he express himself?

Odd Short Test (40 seconds)

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can’t.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is an cat

This is old cat

This is person cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I betcha you can’t resist passing it on

And then the Fight Started….

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
 
I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

*********************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…
So, I took her to a gas station..

And then the fight started…

*********************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. 

I asked my wife, ‘Do you know him?’

‘Yes,’ She sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ I said to my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

*********************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Naaah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

*********************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started….. .

*********************************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started….

*********************************************************************
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.

So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”

And that’s when the fight started….

*********************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
‘When you finish cutting the grass,’ I said, ‘you might as well sweep the driveway.’

And then the fight started…

************************************************************

DEATHS THAT MADE EVEN TOP DOCTORS WONDER…

This case happened in a hospital’s Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was constituted a! nd they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.

So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil……..Just when the! clock struck 11…

The part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner!!!!!!!!!!

Pages: Prev 1 2 3 ... 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14