A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip
Laurence J. Peter

An editor is a person employed on a newspaper whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
Elbert Hubbard

A journalist is someone who spend 50% of its time not saying what he knows and 50% of its time talking about things he doesn’t know.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief”.

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

A philosopher is a person who doesn’t have a job but at least understands why.

A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

A psychologist is a man whom you pay a lot of money to ask you questions that your wife asks free of charge.

A sociologist is someone who, when a beautiful women enters the room and everybody look at her, looks at everybody.