A guy asked a girl in a library, “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
The girl answered with a loud voice, “I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!!!!!”
All of the students in the library started staring at the guy. He was very embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and told him,
“I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. Let me guess, you were embarrassed, huh?”
The guy responded with a loud voice, “200 DOLLARS FOR ONE NIGHT?!?!?! THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!”
…and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy leaned over and whispered, “I study Management, and I know how to screw people..”
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach with no legs.
Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The English woman said “Have you ever had a hug?”
The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The Welsh woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?”
The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The Scottish woman came to him and said, “‘Ave ya ever been screwed, laddie?”
The man broke into a big smile and said, “No”.
She said, “Aye, well ya will be when the tide comes in.”
The teacher said to young Tom, “What do you think of your Father?”
Tom said, “My dad is a hero – a horse ran loose down the High Street; he caught it, calmed it down and saved people from being injured, so my dad is a hero.”
The teacher said to Ryan, “What do you think of your Father?”
Ryan said, “My dad is a hero – a woman was drowning in the river; my dad dived in gave her the kiss of life and saved her so my dad is a hero.”
The teacher said to Harry, “What do you think of your Father?”
Harry said, “I have got to admit it but my dad is a coward. Last weekend my mother went to stay at her sister’s. My dad was so frightened he had to get the lady in from next door to sleep with him.”
I had a sparrow as a pet but it flew away one day…
Then I had a squirrel but it ran away too..
Then…I planted a tree and they both came back….😊
– Dr APJ Abdul Kalam
One day I got chips and gave it to my friends they took and ran away
One day I got Chakli and gave it to my friends they took and ran away
Then I got ALCOHOL they all came back with chips and chakli – Vijay mallya 😂😂
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.
The lab tech tells him, “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that news is either bad or terrible.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer’s disease and the other for herpes. We can’t tell which one is your wife.”
“That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?” asked Mr. Smith.
“Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do now?” he asked.
“The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her.”